May 4, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments
Brian Woodward works as a bouncer at The Old Clubhouse Bar and Packaged Goods in Baltimore, a great place to enjoy a rusty beer and get shanked. After the bar was looted for bottles of the shit they keep behind the counter at the drug store, Woodward vowed to defend it against future attacks. He says this was because the bar had given him a chance to be gainfully employed given that he is a convicted felon. When you’ve got a few strikes on your record the intuitive thing to do might not include confronting armed thugs with a machete but on the other hand who has not wanted to wear a mask and brandish a Caribbean peacemaker?
News of Woodward’s heroism spread and he has now been given the monicker of Baltimore Batman. Not because he’s a wealthy sex machine with a ton of high tech weaponry but more so because both those words start with a B. I’d have gone with Port City Prowler or Maryland Mauler or Harbor Hitman. Problem is those names sound like boxers who moonlight as serial killers. Although the Batman thing doesn’t totally work you still have to respect Woodward for fighting back. I learned a few things during my time in Vietnam. Never fuck with a guy with a machete and pay that hooker an extra hundred bucks so her brother won’t hold you hostage. To simplify, never sneak out of a whore house in a dumbwaiter. Move onto easier targets. There’s a police station around the corner. Knock twice.
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