Tiger Woods Cheated, Fuck No

May 13, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

According to an anonymous ‘friend’ of Tiger Woods, the reason Lindsey Vonn and Woods ended their two year courtship was because Tiger fell back into his old habit of banging hookers super messy after a tough day on the course.

Yes, Tiger cheated again. But it wasn’t with anyone special. He really wanted Lindsey to be the one. But he blew it again. He can’t help himself. He’s got an addiction. He relapsed. Knowing Tiger, he doesn’t even see it as cheating because there’s no romance or feeling there. It’s just a stress reliever, like a high-ball or two after a bad day.’

If the rim of your high-ball was lathered in scabies and you still kept shoving your dick into it, this analogy would make more sense. Tiger had this same post-links ritual while married to Elin Nordegren, deploying his needy cock somewhere between twenty and two hundred times depending on if you believe divorce court records or the long line of working girls in New York and Vegas who all claimed to have fucked him. The same source also notes Vonn was growing increasingly tired of Tiger Woods being a self-centered, insanely boring asshole, though she could’ve lived with that if he’d just not been dancing with The AIDS. Apparently, the dating market for hot blonde Olympic skiers has plummeted since last I checked. The couple officially split last week citing hectic schedules as the cause. Everybody assumed that to mean Tiger was balling escorts again so I’d hardly call it a lie.

I think there’s a lesson in here somewhere for young women about dating dudes with nasty prostitute sex addictions who travel the world accompanied only by men whose sole job it is to arrange the hookers in the hotel rooms.  I’ll get back to you when I figure it out. In the meantime, I hear Tiger Woods is single again, though I hear a bit boring.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Tags: lindsey vonn tiger woods

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