The Whoriest Place on Earth

Even as smallpox are still being scraped off the flocking of the Matterhorn, the Kardashians have decided to rent out Disneyland for North’s upcoming second birthday. You may recall North as the bastard child of Kim Kardashian by way of Yeezus seed and the dark arts. No fault to the child. Though some diligent member of Opus Dei will have to dispose of her mortal coils before the presence of six spring lambs. That’s technically not a crime in China. The Kardashians have previously rented out AT&T Park in San Francisco for Kanye and Kim’s engagement party. Also so everybody could watch them fuck on the Jumbotron. And previously they took over the Magic Mountain amusement park in California for Kendall’s eighteenth birthday.

Disneyland rakes something like five to ten million a day in revenues. Not likely they’re taking over the entire park, but they could bribe Walt’s freeze dried corpse with a million bucks to close a couple hours early to let the whorelets run amok and discuss Vagina Dad’s sex change in front of the Hall of Presidents. It’s all fun and games until Khloe stares catatonic at Monstro for three hours then shits her pants. Time to go. Disney does not believe in unhappy endings.

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