Jared To Plead Guilty

Formerly fat Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is set to take a plea deal for possessing child porn on his computer and paying to have sex with a minor. Two things you’re not supposed to do, even if slightly less distasteful than eating two processed turkey sandwiches at Subway every day for five years. Russell Taylor, The guy who ran Fogle’s Foundation to fight childhood obesity, was arrested in April of this year for producing and distributing child porn and potentially diddling a bunch of young diabetics at Foundation events. When the cops surrounded Fogle’s home in July and started removing his computers, it was pretty clear they weren’t there to capture the secret recipe for Subway chipotle mayonnaise. It was also clear that Fogle is still a lazy bastard who couldn’t bother to erase his hard drives with a three month lead. It’s always sad when you discover that your heroes are pigs. Even just the guy who goes to schools and holds up his formerly giant jeans to show you how eating frozen and artificial lunch products can turn you from a fat loser into a healthy child porn enthusiast. Good touch bad touch will have more meaning when you get to prison.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Update: Jared Fogle’s wife is filing for divorce. She’s citing irreconcilable differences. More specifically, Jared likes fucking kids and she’s 38.