Conrad Hilton Free At Last

Conrad Hilton is free after serving two months in prison for being a rich asshole who liked to get super fucking high and pick fights at parties. His career record was 0 and 19 with his longest bout lasting eleven seconds. Skinny rich kids who talk shit only fight well in the movies.

Hilton famously got wasted on a cross-country flight and tried beating up several flight attendants followed by bragging to passengers about their peasant lineage and how his dad shells out big cash money to keep him from every facing consequences. The entire dipshit checklist in one inebriated mid-flight speech from the aisle. 

After several more probation violations, Conrad Hilton was finally sentenced to two months in jail. That’s seventeen years in poor black guy hard time. Hilton had begged the judge for house arrest, though not his parents house as he noted it was too easy to get blasted there and watch shit on the big screen.

If you have sixty days in the County clink as curing Hilton of his deep rooted asshole, you’re a generously optimistic man. Also, a fucking idiot. This lackluster specimen is far from rock bottom. Most likely scenario is another year or two of aimless recreational drug addiction and a girlfriend beating before becoming caught up in worldwide jihad and joining ISIS. The upside is license to drone strike him into a desert smudge. Penalty for making Paris Hilton look like the well-adjusted one.