The New Lady Gaga Album Is Almost Here

You’ve got to feel a little bit like Pee Wee from Porky’s when the hookers are on the way when you hear tell of the next Lady Gaga album dropping soonish. Forget the amazing music rebuilt from the last amazing music. It’s all about the influences and themes and collaborations. Beethoven did his symphonies all on his lonesome. Imagine the three minute and forty-nine second power ballads he could’ve produced with two dozen producers and a cadre of hook writers in the mix.

Gaga’s new album will be called Joanne, after her Aunt Joanne who died at nineteen from lupus. Let’s get this party started. Gaga teased some Bollywood and Country music influences in the album. Oh, boy, oh boy. The songs will focus on Lady Gaga’s penchant for chasing bad men. Which will be slightly less relatable to her core audience than that lupus bit. 

It’s easy to mock niche artists and their heavyily-produced falsely emotional musical potpourri. It’s less easy to feel good about the world when those artists are monumentally commercially successful and pack 20,000 plus seat arenas nightly. You have to fall back on the whimsical nature of socially retarded high school girls and their gay BFFs and remind yourself that shitty pop music from people not Chris Brown is pretty harmless. Your daughter’s never growing into your Alice in Chains concert bootlegs. Suck it up.

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