Joe Buck Hair Plug Addiction

In his memoirs which you must read once you’ve read every single other book in the library, Joe Buck shockingly reveals that his addiction to hair plugs nearly cost him his life! Actually, maybe he only said his announcing career. Still, you’ve never heard of such a thing unless it was a barely legal porn star talking about her refusal to be shorn and waxed.

Joe Buck is mostly a harmless tool. He’s had incidents in the past where his overt moralizing or homoerotic affections for men such as Mark McGwire have put into question his play by play objectivity, but he’s a voice people have become used to enough that they now associate it with big sports games. He climbed high in the ranks at a young age thanks to a hand-off from his long time baseball announcer father, and apparently his rocking hair plugs. 

Because you must confess to humiliating shit in your memoirs to make your publisher’s marketing department happy, Buck explains how his obsession with hair plugs as early as his 20’s put his very vocal chords in peril:

I think people bend the truth all the time, unfortunately. It was really for self-preservation and ego for me. As I look back, I gave partial truths. Where I lied was when I said the reason why. People would ask, ‘Why is your vocal chord paralyzed?’ I said it was a virus. I didn’t say it was an elective procedure to add hair to the front of my head. It was embarrassing.

He added the embarrassing admission in case you weren’t clear. Also the part about how other people also lie all the time so he’s merely one of us, and not, you know, a total liar. Losing your ability to speak because you dread your prematurely receding hairline seems extreme. Though I do know a guy who rubbed woodland animal sperm on his hair daily for two years for the same result and I would consider that far more degrading. His memoirs are going to rock by comparison.

Search WebMD for vocal chord paralysis associated with frontal lobe hair restoration and see what you find. Somebody’s still lying just a bit. Like the rest of us.