Dirty Jobs Has Nothing on the Kardashian Family OB/GYN

Unless you’re imagining being the vagina doctor for the Kardashian family, you’re not imagining the world’s roughest occupation. Also, quit complaining about yours. Dr. Paul Crane likely gets paid well for his medical services and willingness not to sell dilated cervix photos to TMZ, but consider the REM sleep dreams to be had by a man who’s peered into the gaping lower maws of Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kris Jenner. That’s a shit ton of PTSD before breakfast. Can you fuck a woman after that snatch horror? It would be a testament to your manhood.

The hooking mafia clan convinced Blac Chyna to keep it in the family and bear her financial anchor by the skilled hands of Dr. Crane you’d never want to shake. They don’t make enough Purell. Not sure how much that birthing rights provision cost in the master Blac Chyna promotional contract. There’s money to be made in People magazine life cycle exclusives.

The family used to fake events like Kim Kardashian weddings simply for photo and video rights in the many millions. Now they have to make real children. Kris Humphrey never recovered and he’s a grown man. The babies don’t stand a chance, even beyond the high probability of retardation. The zika babies are all going to laugh at you.