When you’re worth fifty billion, consider hiring a professional to give your material a once over before the cameras roll. Zuckerberg did a selfie-promo for Jarvis, the new A.I. technology from Facebook that speaks eloquently while secretly selling your online behavior to marketing agencies.
In the video, Morgan Freeman takes a break from servicing his adopted granddaughter to voice Jarvis, which only sounds incredibly racist if you think about it for more than a second. Bring the car around, Hoke. I mean, Jarvis. I mean, the car drives itself now and Facebook is considering a black executive by 2020. Zuckerberg asks Jarvis to play some good Nickelback songs so Jarvis can respond there are no good Nickelback songs and everyone can laugh at how Zuckerberg is going to make himself another thirty billion on how fucking lazy people have become.
Avril Lavigne didn’t take kindly to Zuckerberg ripping on Chad Kroger who she was married to for almost a year and a half before she couldn’t stand him either. She fired back at Zuckerberg for his tired Nickelback joke, which seemed fair. Then felt the need to bring in the specter of online bullying, because millennial entertainers literally can’t help themselves:
When you have a voice like yours, you may want to consider being more responsible for promoting bullying, especially given what’s going on in the world today.
Lavigne added #SayNoToBullying which only takes half a second but endows so much power. If only starving North Korean citizens could learn of this hashtag and free themselves from totalitarian rule. Zuckerberg can’t experience what humans call empathy, but still ordered his wife to scream vulgarities at him in Cantonese. He’s the softest evil villain in history.
Assembling the world’s greatest minds to concoct a technology that allows fat guys to speak to the computer like Kirk on the bridge seems worse than Nickelback. As Lavigne dutifully noted, Nickelback has sold fifty million albums. That doesn’t make them any less horrible, but it does mean they’re popular. Essentially, they’re Facebook. Jarvis would’ve made the connection if he could really think.
Photo credit: FHM Australia