Ronda Rousey claiming “rock bottom” is laughable when simply reading the next sports news headline. Johnny Manziel has been booked by sports merchandise store in the Houston area to sell autographs and take paid selfies at two of their area mall store locations.
Manziel will charge $99 to sign any item, plus $29 extra if you want him to write a special inscription up to four words. There also will be a $99 charge for a professional photo, but only a $50 charge if it’s a selfie.
Like a Chinese menu where every single option labels you a tool. Manziel has more legal cases pending than NFL career touchdowns. The autograph tables are for the aging vets who suffered concussions and playing ball before big TV dollar deals. Nobody wants to see a middle linebacker with three Super Bowl rings living under the freeway.
Both mall signings are taking place in the evening, providing you minimal time to wait Manziel out to his ninth cocktail and free selfies wherein he calls you his best fucking friend ever and kisses you on the head. The inscriptions might drop from four words to one monosyllabic grunt, but free is free. If you’re a chick, a gratis fuck is all but guaranteed, if that’s your thing. Who pays an unemployed drunk for anything besides an hour’s work helping load shit into a dumpster?
All that Manziel had left going for him was his money. If that’s drying up, Rousey’s going to start feeling much better by comparison shortly.