Beyonce In Vitro

February 2, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Remember when twins were a novelty and not an indicator that you’re in the one percent? Perhaps if your body doesn’t want you to have kids you could raise in a cave, you shouldn’t have kids. In vitro fertilization is screwing everything up, if you haven’t noticed by the service dogs. We’re putting the fittest nature has to offer in cage fights while Will Smith’s gay/lesbian born kid roams the streets of Calabasas in a dress. Something is off, we don’t need any more evidence. God didn’t want people with an extra hundred K to reproduce disproportionately. 

35 year old Beyonce is pregnant with twins. That means two genetically identical beings are growing inside of her, which is disgusting. If you don’t think it’s disgusting, you probably also don’t think Beyonce shitting out Cheetos is disgusting and your judgement is sorely lacking. 

In vitro fertilization is a process in which your husband who couldn’t knock you up jacks off into a hermetically sealed cup. Then they take his cum and blast it into an egg they scraped out of you. The process isn’t totally refined, so sometimes one sperm takes and sometimes eight of them and you end up masturbating in a bathtub on camera like Octomom. 

One, two, what’s the difference. The birds and the bees talk was always pretty awkward, at least our mom didn’t bring in Richard Dawkins. 

Photo Credit: Instagram 

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