Matt Harvey’s Dildo Still Unexplained

Mets pitcher Matt Harvey was seen drinking at 1OAK Friday night/Saturday morning, just hours before he texted the Mets that he couldn’t attend the upcoming game due to a migraine. He was drinking champagne, tequila, and vodka. That will probably give you a rip roaring hangover. Migraine definitely comes off as more sympathetic. Also it was Cinco de Mayo. 

Harvey wasn’t scheduled to pitch. How hungover do you have to be that you can’t go sit through a baseball game. You can even put some vodka in your water bottle for a wee hair of the dog. Everyone does it. Often while pitching. Harvey might have a drinking problem. He’s also banging a ton of models. Perhaps related, he sucks at his job this year. 

After receiving word of the text from Harvey, Mets manager Terry Collins reportedly became incensed and sent Mets security officials to go check on Harvey at his apartment. File that under things you never have to worry about if you work at McDonald’s. Though Mickey D’s doesn’t offer guaranteed multi-year eight year contracts. Not until Seattle makes them. In Harvey’s defense it is kind of stupid that you have to show up on days that you aren’t pitching, though you are making upwards of twenty-five grand a game to do just that. 

For his bold faced lies, Harvey suspended for three games. Or games he wasn’t playing regardless. It is still unclear the role of the black dildo in all of this. Maybe it was just the cherry on the sundae. The odds it was later found in someone’s ass and this whole hangover thing is a coverup are sky high. Win your next game and nobody remembers any of this.

_{Photo Credit: Twitter}