The thin blue line of police officer backside covering is matched only by the unwritten rule of Hollywood entertainers to call one another amazing craftsmen. Naturally, everybody hates ones another and dreams of outing one another’s insufficiencies with petty tell-alls. They cloak it with awards shows and cocaine.
Will Ferrell made news with a rare shit drop on Mariah Carey’s cameo performance on his new movie, The House. The film is an unpolished turd but Ferrell needs to keep making a certain number of movies regardless of creative quality because there’s nobody else white to do them. Also, it’s hard to turn down ten million for six weeks of work and a short promo tour.
Ferrell claims Carey had a very expensive one day shoot on the film and fucked it up by showing up late, insisting on randomly idiotic changes to her script, and refusing to sing a song pre-approved for the movie. She chose a song for which the producers had no rights. She refused to die in a scene, instead wishing to “deflect bullets like Wonder Woman”. Ferrell called her out on Andy Cohen’s Gay Larry King show and in a Facebook post:
“While we waited the director & team had the idea of doing a stunt that Mariah’s body double would do now & bring in Mariah to match it. They do the stunt. All goes well. When Mariah finally showed up she refused to match the stunt. ‘Darling I would never do it that way!’ I heard her say those exact words. She then requested a large fan for her hair to be blown around and a camera that would be above her, basically a crane shot. This lady was unprofessional and borderline abusive to our director, who tried his best to appease her every wish.”
Ferrell later deleted the Facebook post likely because somebody objectively told him what it sounds like to bitch about Mariah Carey. Carey is notably known as the highest maintenance performer even among her persnickety peers and this “shit storm” as Ferrell called it really falls on producers to book Carey on a one day shoot.
Hollywood would not function as an institution if the employees spoke their minds. For a model of how that would look, see Congress. Bullshit is required to pump out 500 movies and an equal number of TV shows a year. A flimsy detente resting on a cauldron of seething bruised egos and professional jealousies. Smile and take your pills. We’re always behind schedule.
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