Real life is starting to imitate television. The worlds are genuinely fusing. A celebrity billionaire is the real life President of the United States. And now hot former teen model Hope Hicks is looking to land White House Communications Director. I promise this isn’t a spin off of House of Cards in a parallel universe parody. Celebrities and extremely attractive individuals lacking any political experience will soon be running the country and rewriting the laws. If any future politicians with a proclivity to naughtiness are reading this, make national no bra and panty day a thing please.
Hope Hicks, President Trump’s trusted confidante and adviser, is taking on expanded communications responsibilities while the White House searches for a new communications director to replace Anthony Scaramucci, who was fired from the job after just 10 days, according to a White House official.Hicks, 28, currently serves as Trump’s director of strategic communications, and is one of the president’s most loyal and trusted aides. She started as Trump’s press secretary during the 2015 campaign and sits right outside the Oval Office. She also has close ties to the president’s daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, a senior White House adviser.
I hope Hope is able to fill the position. And if she doesn’t secure the promotion, I know positions I’d like to fill her in. Politics can be pretty boring. But I’m sensing a spike in younger male political interest coming on. I may even watch her address the nation minus my pants so I can address my newfound admiration of politics. She’s well connected with the Trump family. So this basically reaffirms that hard work and qualifications mean nothing in America unless you want to become manager at Taco Bell. Because at that point you probably take little things way too seriously either way. It’s not what you know, but who you know. Have fun yelling at stoned teenagers at the drive thru while I hope Hicks has a nip slip while delving deeply into discussing daily Trump tweets with the nation. Let’s pray she doesn’t forget to remind the American people that when life gets you down, grab it by the pussy. And God Bless America.
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