Female George Clooney Cries Four Times A Day

George Clooney has proudly come out as a biological female after proclaiming that he cries four times a day over the pressures of motherhood. What does having a vagina feel like George? The fifty-six-year-old actor and thirty-nine-year-old Amal Clooney mashed fluids to produce twin babies in June of this year. While my guess is that there are hundreds of illegitimate little George Clooneys running around Thailand, this is the first go around that he’s branded himself as a doting husband and father: 

I cry more than they do. I cry four times a day right now, because I’m so tired…All they want to do is eat, so I have nothing to give them except a bottle once in a while and they’re happy about that, but it’s mostly Amal for them at the moment. I don’t even really understand what’s going on.

Um, what? The harrowing responsibility of not taking care of your kids while your wife suffers tit destruction would get to the best of us. Not to mention that celebrities publicly getting their periods over parental duties often aren’t acknowledging the forty-five live-in nannies getting shat on 24/7 by squirming larvae. Clooney continues his “I care about people besides myself” era with:

They’re back in L.A. right now, and their mom sent these pictures this morning…He’s twice the size she is. He’s a moose and she’s just this little tiny beautiful thing.

Careful George, you’ve got eighteen more years until you can make a move. Here are some pictures of two old women at the Venice Film Festival.

^{Photo Credit: Getty Images}