Sarah Jessica Parker Still Alive, Has Four Fans To Take Shopping For $400

Only a place like Manhattan could offer the sense of refinement associated with post-menopausal women owning their sexuality in colorful garbage, and no one says “I’ve lost touch with reality” more than New York City’s most famous horse in clothes, I mean, clotheshorse, Sarah Jessica Parker.

The former star of Sex and the City and current star of nothing is helping plebeian non-Manhattan trash get in on the hustle and bustle of NYC by selling $400 shopping trips to her four lucky and only remaining fans. The event sold out in two hours, which equals one customer every thirty minutes. She’s still got it.

Proceeds from “Sole in the City with SJP,” which is hosted in conjunction with Airbnb (watch your back Lady Gaga,) will benefit the New York City Ballet. Have fun with your $1,600 dollars. Should cover the cost of urinal cakes for a while. Be prepared to have massive renal failure after reading what Parker has to say about the excursion:

What better way to meet than at Bloomingdale’s 59th Street, an iconic NYC landmark, for what I hope is an unforgettable shoe-shopping experience. I’ll help you find the perfect pair of shoes from the SJP Collection to complete your look. As we peruse the shoe department, I’ll tell you about the line and how the city that never sleeps helped inspire it. Next we’ll head to Forty Carrots for what some may say is the best frozen yogurt in NYC and we’ll chat about my city and why I’ve called it home for so many years. After that, I’ll send you off in your new SJP shoes to a special evening at the exquisite and incomparable New York City Ballet. You’ll have some of the best seats in the house, plus some VIP surprises. It’ll be a night you won’t soon forget.

Hearing New Yorkers talk about their love for New York is about as magical as bobbing for apples in a porta potty. That, combined with having to wear Parker’s ugly shoes and watch her lap up frozen yogurt at a chain restaurant, will definitely make this a night people won’t soon forget. Though they’ll probably want to.

^{Photo Credit: HBO, Instagram}