When Jesus was getting his eyes eaten by birds up on the cross his greatest hope was that someday a strung out twink would hashtag his name on a whiteboard alongside a manic misspelled cult rant. And then post it to the ‘Gram with the caption:
Jesus is changing me from the inside out everyday! AND I MISSPELLED GUILT and exhausted
See Jesus, dreams do come true if you just believe in magic. Justin Bieber has been looking for love in all the right places recently by pledging himself to the current hottest Hollywood cult, Hillsong Church. The pastor who definitely has never molested Bieber is named Carl Lentz and he’s like a butt baby between Terry Richardson and Dov Charney. Bieber’s whiteboard inspo could be found in pretty much any Netflix documentary about cults and must have Scientology shaking, because it really does make Hillsong Church seem like the cure for what ails you. It’s like a commercial for Zoloft, Cymbalta, and Prozac combined. Here’s the full Jesus plug:
Do you feel you have exausted all options? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel like you’re never good enough? What if I told you that theres a god that’s willing to meet you WHEREVER you’re at! What if I told you he could take away your pain, shame, guilt, and fears #JESUS
Guilt for banging a bunch of Brazilian whores? Gone. Child stars who suffered from egregious overexposure from a young age are lucky to live past their teens, and if Hillsong gets Bieber through what according to this whiteboard are diagnosable troubles, good for him. Britney Spears has Southern God. Bieber has Cult God. Whatever gets you through another day. Just don’t drink the Kool-Aid.
Photo Credit: Instagram