Merry Christmas

People tend to over-rank the importance of the present day, with an insistence upon how we live in the best, or the worst, of times. Ever. We don’t. The master clock notes that we are somewhere in the ordinary middle of history. Whatever makes college kids and Target bathroom self-identified girls cry this day, will be ranked as relatively unserious by future generations. They will have an entire mess of their own idiotic problems. All major triumphs will be seen as minor successes. Even the most regal and exalted of balls will sag inexorably toward the floorboards. 

It’s for this reason that the birth of the Lord transformed into a massive excuse to buy a Playstation remains an essential annum tradition. Christmas Day is a time to be with, and remember and honor, family and old friends. If you have any extra time, recall Last Christmas when George Michael swallowed whole loaves of foie gras until his own liver exploded. I had guessed AIDS as well. Learning to admit when you’re wrong is another lesson of the season. Also putting legitimate thought into your Ghoul Pool.

Whatever shitty cultural decline or indoctrination attempts took place in the past year are wiped clean. Like Santa douched the entire world from his sleigh. The coming year is a total re-do. An opportunity to turn the insufferable into the ignored, ensure the the self-appointed ministers are ridiculed, and the bandwagon lemmings make it fully off the ledge. Sometimes they do require a push.

So much to do. Admit that you have the time. My vape pen better be here by the morning, Bezos. Christmas in America, fuck yeah!

_{Photo credit: Egotastic!}