Just when the Internet was getting bogged down by kapitalistic Kim Kardashian klones lurking through parking lots across America at the behest of a gay rapper, international lip-syncing sensation Britney Spears has come to save us from that mess with another drug-fueled Kohl’s fashion shoot. This past September the living incarnate of the Zoloft egg dazzled and delighted her followers by manically twirling around in clothes that can only be purchased using the most exclusive school coupon books. Her body looks great and she gives face in the sense that her drugs no longer allow her the ability to blink.
This time around Spears sports two different looks – with the clip of the first one coinciding with the caption “Pink has always been my favorite color” and lasting the majority of the video, and the peek of the second outfit lasting .05 seconds and most likely being an accidental inclusion. This of course insinuating that there is an unknown number of dead-eyed stripper moves out there that we’re missing out on. A crime if there ever was one.
Whereas many stars feel the need to reinvent themselves every twelve seconds, whatever Britney is doing is working, and the Internet would be worse for it if she ever changed. Our trailer park dumpster raccoon even sports the same weave in both September’s video and this recent one. Though apparently it was run through the dishwasher a few times in between takes. Here’s Spears in the looks “Sex-trafficked teen” and “Slutty Ohio mom.”
Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram / Backgrid USA