Like a virgin, touched for the very first tine. Well it’s Saturday, and along with your cup of coffee, the wise ancient queen of pop Madonna is here to give you the jolt you need with this bizarre Instagram video. Madonna has thrown in the towel on having audiences respect her and instead seems to just be doing fun silly things to amuse us as we wait for her to die. Most recently, a greased up Maddy can be seen getting fork-shaped instruments dragged across her face as part of her beauty routine. If getting poked by hard things is the key to youth then Madonna has been doing things right all along. The Insta-hair filter here does help give Madonna the appearance of someone younger, but like in the movie Orphan, once you start to get up close and put together the pieces, you realize AH, she’s a thousand!
I’ve observed that when many celebrities hit a certain age, their need for their fans to think they have youthful skin supersedes all other needs, and trumps rational thinking and even reality itself in the case of Madonna. These makeup-free-ish close-ups are more common than you’d expect, and while Madonna’s is obviously the scariest thing in the world, the concept isn’t that much different than what I’ve seen from January Jones and Gwyneth Paltrow. There’s usually a quirky slant, and the reaction we’re supposed to have is: “Wow, they have nothing to hide. They’re pretty. They’re relatable. They’re ageless.” In Madonna and Gwyneth’s case, this is what we refer to as fake news. Headlines are really running with the video of Madonna getting forked in the face, with The Guardian publishing the article “Madonna’s fork facials – and other household objects you can use for skincare.” In fact they consult with an expert who states:
She’s not scraping the skin – [she’s] encouraging blood flow, increasing lymphatic drainage.
Excess drainage? Increasing blood flow? Toying with getting scraped? It’s like Madonna’s whole existence in one video.
Photo Credit: Instagram