Britney Spears hasn’t been Britney Spears since she had a psychotic break and began living on a healthy diet of Lithium-laced grits, but her fans still hold out hope that the lip-syncer is mere moments away at any given time from being a cognizant person again. She’s one step up from Terri Schiavo. Embrace it. Now her outsides are beginning to get away from the late 90’s Spears as much as her scrambled brain insides, and her fans can’t seem to deal with it.
The thirty-six-year-old Spears must have caught the attention of fashion insiders with her manic solo Kohl’s fashion shows, because some company named Kenzo hired her to be their spokeszombie. People are complaining that Spears is overly-Photoshopped in the pics, but I’m pretty sure what they’re seeing is her latest round of facial fillers at play. Once they hit their mid-thirties, female celebrities begin their transition into looking like every Real Housewife ever. Basically at a certain age our faces no longer retain the fat cells that make us look cherubic and youthful, so our faces become hollowed out, and then when celebs try to counteract their American Gothic visages with fillers, they look like Jigsaw. Yeah, Spears looks like Jigsaw. Sorry ’bout it.
But would you still hit it? Of course. Thanks to being on a five-inch leash at all times Spears has no choice but to do what her handlers say, and they know that maintaining a bangable bod is truly the key to a celeb’s success. Keep being the hot American tragedy that you are, Spears.
Photo Credit: Kenzo / Pacific Coast News / Splash News / Getty Images