Eminem hasn’t made a notable single in quite some time and we now know why, sobriety. The same man who once threatened to gut his mother, baby mother, and homosexuals has cast aside his trailer park pill popping ways in order to make songs with Beyoncé and pander to Black Lives Matter. The inner urge to self-medicate isn’t completely gone, as the result of his sobriety is due to switching highs. We’ve seen this before in Alcoholics Anonymous, swapping the Jack for Jesus. Eminem is switching Xannies for the high received from daily running. Great for his health, terrible for his music. Which is typically the case when superstars clean up their lives. I’d rather hear that he’s officially retired than hear raps about how to avoid chafing when your aerodynamic track shorts are too short.
Eminem, whose real name is Marshall Mathers, previously revealed he had a near-death experience from an accidental overdose back in 2007 after his addiction got so bad that he was taking up to 20 pills a day.
“I used to get pills wherever I could,” he told the New York Times in 2011. “I was just taking anything that anybody was giving to me.” In between his headlining sets at Coachella, the 45-year-old rapper shared a photo to Instagram, Saturday, proudly displaying a medallion he received for achieving the milestone.
“Celebrated my 10 years yesterday,” he wrote alongside the image, in which he held the coin up to the camera. The middle of the token features an “X,” the Roman numeral for 10, surrounded by the words “Unity,” “Service” and “Recovery.”
I’m having a hard time seeing the power of a meaningless medal. After 10 years of not raiding the elderly’s medicine closets for free opioids all you got was a stupid medal? Maybe these programs should crowdfund an all expense paid vacation. I’d relapse immediately if 10 years of struggling with sobriety resulted in only one gold token that has less value than a Chuck E Cheese coin. At least at Chuck’s you can trade your winnings in for a Chinese finger trap worth at least 2 minutes of fun at a time.
Photo Credit: Eminem’s crazy hot daughter Hailie Scott from Instagram