Jada Pinkett Smith is really, really, really trying to make her Red Table Talk a thing, and – as a follow up to chatting up her seventeen-year-old daughter Willow about cutting herself with all the sincere empathy of Jiminy Glick – is now chatting up Willow about having multiple orgasms. But guys, don’t worry. Making an underage girl discuss sex isn’t harassment if the perpetrator is her liberal mother. Then it’s sex positive progressiveness. You go girl. Squirt for equality.
The forty-six-year-old Jada most likely can’t open up to her husband about finger blasting herself as he is a homosexual man who probably finds that imagery even less appealing than heterosexual men do, so I guess opening up to her daughter is the next best thing. Open wide up baby:
I think by your age, I gave myself multiples first. Multiple orgasms. I was really into it at one point. Just because I was in an exploration state and I was abstaining from men
because I’m a raging lesbian.
I actually think I went through kind of an addiction, too, with it. And then one day, I was like, ‘Enough. You’re having five orgasms a day!’
Yes, some of my fondest memories as a teen were hearing my mom tell me about how she was addicted to masturbating. I imagine Willow’s family tree project in (the school that she didn’t attend) was just a pile of dildos with names written on them. Jada continues the conversation about female empowerment by roping her grandmother into the fam circle jerk:
My grandmother taught me about self-pleasuring because she wanted me to know that that pleasure was from me. She didn’t want me to fall into the hands of a man, and if he gave me pleasure, to think that, that was him. And she taught me at nine!
And it obviously paid off. Is it normal to teach kids how to touch themselves when they’re nine? “Yes.” – Kevin Spacey. Before you go feeling too bad for Willow, just know that her parents have already successfully turned her into a delusional narcissistic douche, and the NY Post, in a roundup of the entire family’s douchery, reminds us that Willow once stated:
There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.
Anyone who says this deserves to picture her grandma telling her mom how to pleasure herself when she was nine-years-old. The crime fits the punishment. Barely. But it does.
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