We can go ahead and file this under: Barf. Tonedeaf tech entrepreneur / probable Asperger syndrome success story Elon Musk went from dating Amber Heard to dating something he found in a clearance bin at Hot Topics called Grimes, and now the singer is spilling all of Musk’s secrets to anyone who will listen, including Azalea Banks. Who’s still… alive?
Banks has been feuding with billionaire and his corpse bride, although feuding implies that both sides care. Banks gives blowjobs out of cardboard boxes in exchange for minutes on her Cricket phone. Grimes is a now a hooker of the highest order, who gets fucked by a plasticy middle-aged man in tiny expensive submarines never actually intended to save children trapped in a cave. Truly a tale of two cities.
All of this brings us to text messages that Grimes allegedly sent to Banks. Apparently they were friends. Pretty damning for Grimes. In the messages Grimes reveals details about Musk’s accent as well as the fact that the Russians want her boo dead. But as no one really cares if he dies or not, the real news that people are latching onto is the revelation that Musk has a huge penis. Or as Grimes states, a “giant dick.” I warned you. Barf.
After reading the barely coherent messages, which feel as though they were written by Gossip Girl after a brain injury, we know that while on the outside Grimes is an edgy, brooding, mysterious artist, on the inside she’s this:
But, you know, with a ten-inch dick in her.
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