We’re Watching The Full First Episode Of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Together On YouTube

Whether you like it or not. Bitch. I got about halfway through this first episode of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club – which is now streaming for free on YouTube – before I realized that I’m not doing this shit alone. It’s truly painful to watch. Lohan has full-blown turned into Colonel Walter E. Kurtz from Apocalypse Now, and Mykonos is her Vietnam. Lohan surrounds herself with disillusioned worshipers willing to do anything to be in her brain-scrambled good graces. In the second half of the episode I honestly would not be surprised if they sacrificed a water buffalo. LL Beach Club is that fucking rogue. The whore. The whore…

You could blindly pick any moment in this first episode to transcribe and it would be terrifying, but I’m going with the moment Lohan pinpoints one of her deep, pensive, worldly worshipers (aka the people who “work” at her Beach Club) as a spiritual being:

Random blonde whore, at the 16:10 minute mark:

I just moved out to Denver a year ago. I need to spread my wings and you know, whatever, like, explore.

Lohan:

You’re like, Buddhist, a little bit?

And scene. Throughout her interactions with her new team, Lohan consistently talks about the importance of building her brand. And by the looks of things, her brand has become being an anemic frog. You guys better watch this damn thing.

Photo Credit: YouTube