Obama and Gwyneth Paltrow To Join Wonder Twin Powers at Rush Hour

Right about the time L.A. traffic gets super fucking horrible today, President Obama is going to make it truly memorably by hitting up the Gwyneth Paltrow Goop House West to discuss matters related to ISIS, the prevailing long term bond rates, and any possible Danish salves that might help his lady be more ready for him without the need for foreplay. I can’t imagine a place I’d rather be than a get together with Barack and Gwyneth and one hundred of their self-satisfied and decked out friends racing to slap Ben Affleck on the back for defending killer Muslims from being labeled as killer Muslims. That is if Jennifer Garner allows the contact.

I’d never suggest anything bad happen to the President of the United States. It’s illegal to even think about stuff like that. They will Minority Report your ass right down to Guantanamo. Same thing goes for Gwyneth Paltrow who has been designated a national landmark or treasure or ex-patriot whiny halibut or something like that. Gwyneth has been trying desperately to be in the news since she uncoupled with her husband and he started coupling with that hot topless chick from all those 4Chan photos. I wish all of them nothing but a wonderful evening. At the same time, if I send over a horribly feverish recent immigrant from Sierra Leone with flowers for the party, please let him in to use the toilet.