Turning thirty-five isn't the best time to decide you don't want the camera revealing your tits. You get that kind of leverage when you're twenty and Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a lock for syndication windfall. This is the... READ MORE

Somebody has to investigate the important shit. You spend your time figuring out the difference between Trump and Clinton on trade. The real minds are working on which mother and daughter tandem in Hollywood have the best set of... READ MORE

Everybody celebrates the Battle of Puebla in their own way. Though almost everybody celebrates it by getting drunk. That's what Mexico wants you to do. They supply the beer. You supply the need for a low skilled service based... READ MORE

I can't remember how many years ago it was that Ashley Green's nude pictures went flying around the net. That might be the time the FBI got involved. There weren't Islamic terrorists driving around the U.S. in minivans so... READ MORE

Every actress quits doing topless scenes when it feels right to them. About a million bucks into their cumulative career earnings feels about right. They’re willing to consider topless if the part calls for it. That’s another two million.... READ MORE

Double duty on the cash-for-tits promotions today. But this one is a good one. Because it’s Tax Day, that day of the year when dummies get back excess withholding they paid over the course of the previous year and... READ MORE

If I’m going to plug shit, I’d rather do Johnny Depp’s naked lesbian wife over tampons or nuclear chemical juice. Both of those things are make believe. As America slouches toward more skin allowed on social media than in... READ MORE

It’s hard to say exactly when tits left the big screen. Some people blame Star Wars for changing the direction of cinema from movies for grownups to movies for teens. Less nudity, more CGI and loud bangs. Relocating theaters... READ MORE

My ass used to be enslaved to SpinMedia, which was fucking horrible. They spent like Bernie Sanders not using other people’s money. Now I’m in deep to the guys who own Mr. Skin. Which is superior because they trade... READ MORE

There’s one and only one rule at my Super Bowl party. You may not shit in the toilet. Shit before. Shit after. You are not destroying the bathroom. I’m serving nachos. I have no yard. Plan accordingly. The god-fearing radicalized... READ MORE