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Brandon Lee Experiencing Bella Thorne

March 27, 2015 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The last and final hope for the Thorne stage family of girls is now bumping teen uglies with Brandon Lee. I thought at first the headline referred to Bruce Lee’s son who died twenty-two years ago filming The Crow.... READ MORE

Fetish Art Giant Bella Thorne And Katie Cassidy

February 24, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know why this amuses me so. This dude Photoshops images of young Hollywood chicks as godzillas coming ashore to terrorize the puny humans. I don’t know if this is a commentary on the over-emphasized power of celebrity... READ MORE

Designated Ugly Fat Friend

February 13, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Now that women have more power in Hollywood, they’re making movies for teen girls exactly like men used to make them. Every high school movie has to be about an ugly duckling who turns the tables on the popular... READ MORE

Bella Thorne Picks Up Shifts At Sprinkles

December 20, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It’s unclear why Bella Thorne was working the swing shit at the cupcake place at The Grove. It’s possible she breached every single one of her performance contracts when tests came back showing she was thirty-seven and a mother... READ MORE

Bella Thorne Seems Wise for Her Years

November 21, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m not sure how old this chick’s stage parents say she is today, she seems ready for the classic Hollywood hazing of a visit to the Cosby bungalow and a topless role in a movie nobody sees directed by... READ MORE

Bella Thorne In a Thong Bikini

November 19, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Somebody’s going to write me an angry letter and tell me this Disney chick is twelve or something. I’m pretty sure she’s thirty. Her stage parents doctored her birth certificate like an aggressive Dominican baseball scout so her skills... READ MORE

Bella Thorne Also An Author

November 12, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Teen stars have always had book series with their names and faces on them. It’s a more recent phenomenon where we pretend these TV twits are actually penning the tween novels. Ghostwriters have been getting IP ass raped since... READ MORE

Bella Thorne Has It Figured Out

August 6, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know how old this Disney girl really is. Her mom says she’s sixteen. But it’s like Dominican ball players. You want to be able to tell producers in Hollywood my kid can act and sing and has... READ MORE

Bella Thorne in A Bikini

May 19, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Bella Thorne is somewhere between 12 and 32 years of age. You’d need a saliva sample to circumvent the publicist and the Disney machine secreting her birth certificate like a Dominican youth baseball scout. She’s the last best hope... READ MORE

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