Ariana Grande Has Weird Stalker

By Matt November 04, 2014 @ 9:22 AM

Guy

Some pasty dude named Tim Normandin has sent Ariana Grande the following gifts: A forty pound pumpkin, candles, kitty cat calendars, a set of mirrors from K-Mart, and jewelry that cost him a full month of lunch money allowance from mom. Instead of curt but sweet thank you card, Grande has contacted law enforcement who have warned Normandin to cease and desist the Travis Bickle as Santa Claus routine. Normandin has remained defiant. I’m three levels of education away from being a lawyer, but buying people gifts certainly can’t be illegal. Americans still enjoy the freedom to express our religious beliefs and shower young media composed tarts with bullshit they order online while masturbating. Grande really needs to work on her attitude of gratitude. Years from now while married to an emotionally abusive husband she will look back on Normandin as the one who got away. Or they’ll find bodies in his crawl space. Only time will tell.

The Digital Age Continues to Suck for Women

By Lex October 07, 2014 @ 2:11 PM

Ariana Grande Shows Legs While Posing With Fans At London Airport
Here’s unexpected news. People who like to take photos of themselves are narcissistic annoying twats. Predominantly women, they spend an inordinate amount of time to get public recognition and positive comments. In turn, women who spend lots of time checking out their friends’ selfies are prone to believe they’re fat and unlovable. Which might be true, still, it doesn’t help to see your fit friends doing awesome things and being happy.

Women once again face the bleak reality that technology is designed by men for men and mostly make women more and more miserable. Every bit of applied circuitry after the vibrator has pretty much sucked for women. I’d advise everyone with a vagina to disconnect from the Internet and go back to coffee klatches and mall trips with your girlfriends. You start switching out that Lady Gaga crap and late nights trolling Twitter for some Go-Go’s and Wine cooler parties and you just might find your smiles coming back. I’ve got more good advice, but I’m not sharing it.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

The Day the Music Should’ve Died

By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 2:37 PM

Ariana Grande Preforms In Sheer Leotard At IHeartRadio Music Festival
I don’t speak crazy, but if I did, I’d have Twitter alerted those whackadoo Islamic radicals to attack Satan right in the iHeart Radio Music Festival. Something that takes out the evil sounds of the Western world’s crap producing musical powerhouses. They were all there in Vegas over the weekend. Lip synching mannequins creating future regret-filled memories for our nation’s youth. Maybe even crappier pop music would rise from the ashes. But maybe there’d be a dude who can actually play guitar, and one who can sing without choral support, and one who can drum who would take their place. It’s all just a dream I suppose. No way the bad guys get across our borders.

Photo Credit: Getty

Ariana Grande Has No Life Coach And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 22, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Ariana-Grande-in-Jones-Crow-Promo-Shoot

Ariana Grande’s life coach quit because Ariana is so insufferable. What kind of impossible bitch do you have to be for your life coach to quit on you? What she needs is some counseling from the “shut the fuck up and go sit in the corner” school of psychology. I had that from K-12 and I came out a perfect egg.

Find out why Ariana can’t even pay people to be around her. (Dlisted)

I see London, I see France, I see Taylor Swift’s underpants. (Drunken Stepfather)

Just how much of a loser is Aaron Carter, you may ask? A big one. (Huffington Post)

Check out Courtney Stodden’s tits at some pussy film festival or something. (Hollywood Tuna)

You know when you are a reporter and you quit on the air to go sell weed… (TMZ)

Hermione goes to the United Nations to talk about the growing influence of Voldemort. (COED)

Do you want to see Emanuela de Paula in a bikini? Well, you’re in luck! (Popoholic)

Ariana Grande Cares About The Animals

By Travis January 23, 2014 @ 1:04 PM

Singer and miniature Nickelodeon star Ariana Grande was spotted wearing a PETA shirt while on her way to the recording studio yesterday, and I don’t like to label tiny celebrities with stereotypes, but I’m guessing that she’s less of a paint-thrower and pit bull euthanizer and more of a girl who thinks buying a shirt means saving puppies and kittens. Her allegiance with the animal activist group is interesting, though, because she recently claimed that she “wears more fake hair than every drag queen on Earth,” but I’ll assume to her credit that it’s real human hair and not from slaughtered horses. I tried to ask her while she was walking, but then a hawk flew by and scooped her up.

Photo Credits: Michael Wright/WENN.com