Ariana Grande Seems Young

By Lex December 11, 2014 @ 11:41 AM

Ariana Grande Shows Off A Lot Of Leg At Q102 Jingle Ball In Philadelphia
I’m pretty sure this chick’s entire appeal is based around looking like a girl who can’t find her parents at a Hello Kitty convention. Which is just like saying Microsoft’s DOS entire appeal was based around being able to operate PCs. There’s an enormous market for underaged appearing girls dressed like naughty cats. It’s politely referred to as Japan. If you intend to spend your entire Saturday masturbating to socially unacceptable topic headings, you’re going to need something after Sailor Moon. Ariana Grande is what’s next.

Photo Credit: Splash

Ariana Grande Taken Out By An Angel

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 1:17 PM

Ariana Grande Gets Hit By Angel WIng
Sometimes you plan and plan, but shit just goes wrong. A fucking wing to the head when you’re trying to belt out your mall ballad for the fifteenth time this week. Lingerie models can work through this. They’ve trained themselves since second grade to suffer. But when you’re a true artist, cosmic bursts and wings to the head can throw off your Muse. That pained face like dad just told you he’s gay and you’re going to live with Aunt Helen for the summer while mom deals with her depression. At least, that was the face I made. I wish this gif had sound.

Photo Credit: Getty/Cosmopolitan

Victoria’s Secret 2014 Fashion Show British Style

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 9:25 AM

Victoria Secret 2014 Fashion Show
The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a huge hit in London last night, aiding the country of England in their annual determination of which of their foppish male denizen are gay and which just seem super gay. It wasn’t quite as crude as a boner test, more like seeing if you said something approximating ‘love the feathers’ at any point during the show. There were a few tense moments when producers worried the black models might hold up some kind of Ferguson protest signs, until somebody remembered they refuse to hire any black models and everything went off without a hitch. Sally forth.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Ariana Grande Moved the Crowd

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 8:42 AM

Ariana Grande Looks Curvy As She Performs At The AMAS
There was some effort to provide tits at the American Music Awards so the seventeen percent of straight male audience viewing the fabulous costume and lip synch parade could tell their buddies this morning, it was awesome, did you see so and so’s tits? Everyone understand this is the rhetorical question of a man so pussy whipped he couldn’t either watch more football or build something with his hands in the garage. The other option is that he’s particularly keen on Taylor Swift and One Direction, in which case we might as well hand the front door keys to China and beg them not to serve eggplant every night in the internment camps.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/Getty

Ariana Grande Has Weird Stalker

By Matt November 04, 2014 @ 9:22 AM

Guy

Some pasty dude named Tim Normandin has sent Ariana Grande the following gifts: A forty pound pumpkin, candles, kitty cat calendars, a set of mirrors from K-Mart, and jewelry that cost him a full month of lunch money allowance from mom. Instead of curt but sweet thank you card, Grande has contacted law enforcement who have warned Normandin to cease and desist the Travis Bickle as Santa Claus routine. Normandin has remained defiant. I’m three levels of education away from being a lawyer, but buying people gifts certainly can’t be illegal. Americans still enjoy the freedom to express our religious beliefs and shower young media composed tarts with bullshit they order online while masturbating. Grande really needs to work on her attitude of gratitude. Years from now while married to an emotionally abusive husband she will look back on Normandin as the one who got away. Or they’ll find bodies in his crawl space. Only time will tell.

The Digital Age Continues to Suck for Women

By Lex October 07, 2014 @ 2:11 PM

Ariana Grande Shows Legs While Posing With Fans At London Airport
Here’s unexpected news. People who like to take photos of themselves are narcissistic annoying twats. Predominantly women, they spend an inordinate amount of time to get public recognition and positive comments. In turn, women who spend lots of time checking out their friends’ selfies are prone to believe they’re fat and unlovable. Which might be true, still, it doesn’t help to see your fit friends doing awesome things and being happy.

Women once again face the bleak reality that technology is designed by men for men and mostly make women more and more miserable. Every bit of applied circuitry after the vibrator has pretty much sucked for women. I’d advise everyone with a vagina to disconnect from the Internet and go back to coffee klatches and mall trips with your girlfriends. You start switching out that Lady Gaga crap and late nights trolling Twitter for some Go-Go’s and Wine cooler parties and you just might find your smiles coming back. I’ve got more good advice, but I’m not sharing it.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews