Ariana Grande Bio Hazard

By Matt July 10, 2015 @ 6:24 AM


Wolfee Donuts, the puke floored establishment where Ariana Grande and her gender expansive boyfriend licked some donuts has failed a health inspection. Apparently authorities who peruse TMZ saw her donut licking video and busted the shop because you’re not supposed to have donuts out on the counter so that homeless dudes and diminutive whores can touch, lick, or jizz inside them as part of the filling. The shop has now been downgraded to a health code rating of B, which in Los Angeles means you’re under quarantine upon leaving. The shop is now pushing to have Grande charged with “Cross Contamination”, which the city district attorney usually reserves for ATM scenes in Chatsworth. If I were Wolfee I’d quit while I’m behind. The free publicity is cool for a while but at the end of the day we all know what’s in the custard. Also, I’d not like you viewing my antics on your house GoPro upon my leaving your establishment or selling my sticky boothed under the table hand job video to TMZ or the nearest German porn site. Grande. Extra cream. America.

Photo Credit: Youtube/TMZ

Ariana Grande Hates America (VIDEO)

By Matt July 09, 2015 @ 6:02 AM

Ariana Grande says she hates America. It could be easy to take her comments out of context: “I hate America, I hate Americans.” Perhaps she’s speaking of her friend down the street, America America. Their family is known for starting armed conflicts, as well as barbecues and fireworks.

Grande was at a donut shop with her super straight backup dancer boyfriend and the pair were daring each other to lick donuts when the staff wasn’t looking because they’re exceptionally uninteresting and trying to convince each other they’re cool and fun. The staff didn’t take kindly to this when they watched the security tape to try and find something to sell to TMZ. Then they hit the jackpot with the Bolshevik comments.

The comments were made in response to some extremely large donuts, meaning Grande hates America because it’s becoming a stereotyped cartoon of itself. Shed a tear since it happened so close to Jesus’ birthday. She is now being accused of fat shaming, because hating fat people and America are now considered the same thing by the United Nations. Old grizzled dudes with hair in their ears are allowed to say shit like that. Not retarded midget nymphs and their boy band reject boyfriends. You’re a part of the problem. Things were going swimmingly before your generation of spastic bodied Nickelodeon stars started showing us their assholes and thinking they could sing. Love it or leave it. Preferably as soon as possible via inner tube or hotel room overdose. Let’s punt this one over to Fox News. It’s not your fault. We needed a reason to be done with you.

Ariana Grande Licks Holes And Shit Around The Web

By Michael July 07, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Minuscule diva Ariana Grande was spotted in a donut shop’s security footage licking a bunch of donuts and then not buying them. If it’s a fetish, I’m down with it, but I want to do it with you. Otherwise I’m just getting the herp without any of the fun.

Watch her lick the sweet hole. (TMZ)

Lexy Stevens’ bikini can barely contain her titties. (Egotastic)

Whoopi Goldberg is just mad Cosby never tried to get with her. (Huffington Post)

Miranda Kerr doesn’t need a stupid bra. (Drunken Stepfather)

Victoria Silvstedt has some serious knockers. I’d like to motorboat them all night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez uses her fake tits to sell Adidas. (Popoholic)

Hot girls tugging on their clothes. (The Chive)

Ariana Grande Headlines All Star Game

By Matt January 23, 2015 @ 8:04 AM


The NBA has a firm grasp on its fan base. They’ve tapped a dwarf who wears cat ears and appeals to modestly reformed pederasts on the loophole that she is technically an adult, all be it with a glaring hormone imbalance, to headline the All Star Game’s Halftime Show. Her performance should be fittingly bland so as to not distract from a game where the players jog around hungover and text groupies from the bench. You don’t want Outkast showing up and everyone leaving for the second half. Grande’s performance should add to an overall feeling of disappointment for anyone who makes the mistake of watching this game on TV instead of going to the park. It should have zero effect on the scores of gang members who make the annual trek to instigate brawls and shootings. They are generally immune to the beguiling of a super precocious slut child and her lip synching.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Ariana Grande Seems Young

By Lex December 11, 2014 @ 11:41 AM

Ariana Grande Shows Off A Lot Of Leg At Q102 Jingle Ball In Philadelphia
I’m pretty sure this chick’s entire appeal is based around looking like a girl who can’t find her parents at a Hello Kitty convention. Which is just like saying Microsoft’s DOS entire appeal was based around being able to operate PCs. There’s an enormous market for underaged appearing girls dressed like naughty cats. It’s politely referred to as Japan. If you intend to spend your entire Saturday masturbating to socially unacceptable topic headings, you’re going to need something after Sailor Moon. Ariana Grande is what’s next.

Photo Credit: Splash

Ariana Grande Taken Out By An Angel

By Lex December 03, 2014 @ 1:17 PM

Ariana Grande Gets Hit By Angel WIng
Sometimes you plan and plan, but shit just goes wrong. A fucking wing to the head when you’re trying to belt out your mall ballad for the fifteenth time this week. Lingerie models can work through this. They’ve trained themselves since second grade to suffer. But when you’re a true artist, cosmic bursts and wings to the head can throw off your Muse. That pained face like dad just told you he’s gay and you’re going to live with Aunt Helen for the summer while mom deals with her depression. At least, that was the face I made. I wish this gif had sound.

Photo Credit: Getty/Cosmopolitan