Chelsea Clinton Gets Paid Okay

By Lex June 20, 2014 @ 4:41 PM

Nobody really cares that NBC is paying Chelsea Clinton $600,000 a year to do basically nothing as their correspondent. They let her do a few feel good story segments a year about cute animals or people overcoming poverty, mostly just voice over work where she tries desperately not to sound annoying. Okay, Fox News cares. As guardians at the gate of traditional journalism, the vaunted news outlet is on the Nights Watch for any sign of crappy superficial media stunts posing as real news. We couldn’t have that, could we, Geraldo? NBC is obviously paying Chelsea Clinton just to have a Clinton on staff. If you could speed dial your parents to hook you up with any world leader or major political figure in the news, you’d get paid big bucks too.

Business Insider analysts concluded that Clinton has made just fourteen appearances on the network since her hiring in November 2011, thus earning an estimated $1.55 million. That figure can be broken down to roughly $26,724 for each minute.

Oh, boy, the kids of Presidents and rich famous people get big breaks in life. I guess there’s some hypocrisy value to be noted, but mostly I just want to stop watching Chelsea Clinton’s face now. I can feel mine drooping in empathy.

I Take Back Every Mean Thing I Ever Took Back About Chelsea Clinton

By Bill March 14, 2013 @ 4:07 PM

Back in the last millenium, it was all the rage to pick on Chelsea Clinton. Mostly because she looked like the Spaniel mix left unadopted at the pound. But also I guess because some people hated her dad. But there were those of us so refined, so pure of heart, and so incredibly pussy-whipped by young girlfriends, that we talked down those nasty Chelsea jokes. We refused to guffaw or snicker at Chelesea’s expense. We called those disparagers some of our own bad names. Things like ‘hey, mean person’ and ‘stop being such a mean person’. It impressed our girlfriends. And it impressed ourselves.

But fuck all that now. Chelsea Clinton and her husband just bought a $10.5 million dollar apartment mansion in the Whitman building in Manhattan. I don’t even know what Chelsea does for a living, but she’s got some serious cash. Or her husband does. Or daddy does. Either way, while America has taught me to admire the successful, rather than be jealous, screw that. It’s a 6 unit building with a private gym. I live in an 80 unit apartment building and we got a 15 x 15 room with a ratty shag carpet, a medicine ball, and an unwound Best of Bon Jovi cassette tape decaying in the corner.

Enjoy your workouts, Spaniel.