By Lex February 16, 2015 @ 10:00 AM
When deciding where to get your $30 cocktails in Vegas, you’re going to want to stop at the spot where Jenny McCarthy is making out with Donnie Wahlberg. That’s the X on your treasure map of excitement. I’m not sure how many names 1OAK crossed off their list as unavailable before they hit the lesser accomplished members of the McCarthy and Wahlberg families. Clearly you’ve been turned down by senior management in ISIS and the all of the CosRaped models. It might be worth the chance to offer McCarthy a large donation to the pro-polio program of her choice to show you any real part left on her body. When Kuato starts emerging from her stomach, run to the Luxor. You don’t need high end Vegas.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack November 12, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Extremely modestly talented Jenny McCarthy and New Kid On The Block Donnie Wahlberg are going to star in their own reality show. The show will be called TV Is Now Officially A Barren Wasteland of Retreaded Ideas For Brain Deads. Or, just Jenny Loves Donnie.
Read all about Jenny McCarthy’s new shit show. (The Superficial)
Are you ready for a new Tila Tequila sex tape? No, me neither. (TMZ)
Naya Rivera hates on Kim K because she didn’t think of that ass pic first. (Huffington Post)
Kylie Minogue writhes around in her underwear. (Drunken Stepfather)
Alyssa Barbara wears a see-through t-shirt and it’s good, real good. (Hollywood Tuna)
Alexandria Morgan in a swimsuit is faptastic. (Popoholic)
Khloe Kardashian pisses people off by comparing the KKK to her vagina. (Dlisted)
By Lex September 01, 2014 @ 10:54 AM
Fuck you for telling a lady on her wedding days she can’t feel like a virgin. Jenny McCarthy looked like an angel with silicon tits at her marriage over the weekend to the less successful Wahlberg brother. While celebrity marriages face long odds, celebrity marriages where both spouses have clear calendars until their iPhones stop counting stand a remarkably good chance at success.
Mark Wahlberg was unable to attend the wedding because he didn’t have enough airline points. Also because he’s a Catholic who believes you charitably accept wayward whores, you don’t marry them. Everybody was happy for Donnie for bagging the busty blond so they could update his Wiki page for the first time in twenty years. Donnie’s already practiced his ‘no comment’ smile for when reporters ask him if he agrees with his wife that ebola is natural and just makes kids stronger.
Photo credit: INF Photos
By Jack September 01, 2014 @ 9:20 AM
Marky Mark Wahlberg decided to not attend the wedding of his brother Donnie to screeching succubus Jenny McCarthy. Maybe he hates her because she is a batshit crazy anti-vaxxer bitchhole or maybe it’s just that he likes being the only asshole in the room and doesn’t want to share the spotlight.
Read all about Marky Mark’s feely feelings. (Dlisted)
Playmate April Summers has some big ‘ol titty balls. (COED)
“The Jersey Shore Massacre” may be the best movie ever. By best movie I mean a huge pile of shit. (Huffington Post)
Freckle-faced Nadine Leopold is hot as fuck in this spread for Urban Outfitters. (Popoholic)
Arianna Grande wears a very short skirt on the Today Show. Very short. (Drunken Stepfather)
Nina Dobrev in a bikini on a yacht. Happy fucking Labor Day! (Egotastic)
I fucking hate Rihanna but appreciate her in a bikini. (The Superficial)
By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 3:13 PM
Weddings always make me cry. I’m a sucker for true love. And if this world can’t stop for a minute and recognize the romance between a topless model who technically never once told moms not to vaccinate their kids and a guy whose brother has been good in three out of twenty-four films he’s made, then why the fuck is it spinning in its first place? That’s rhetorical. Where’s my fucking hanky.
Photo Credit: Shape
By Lex April 16, 2014 @ 3:17 PM
Jenny McCarthy has a new ring on her finger. And, no, it’s not the platinum band to signify her millionth child kill through ardently promoting the spread of preventable infectious disease. She’s engaged to Donnie Wahlberg, the former New Kids on the Block performer and present day, Police Detective #5 on numerous TV shows. Still, he’s Mark Wahlberg’s brother which makes him a definite catch by just a degree of separation. Already, the couple are planning on combining Jenny’s advanced knowledge of epidemiology gleaned from ‘some JuCo’ with Donnie’s highly practiced rhythmic dance moves to produce a series of educational videos for children called ‘Polio Means Mommy Loves Me’. Through song and dance, afflicted children will come to merrily accept their shorter life spans and extended stays coughing up blood in hospital wards. The whole family will cheer when Jenny herself comes out in leg braces and does the robot. Best of luck to Jenny and Donnie on their nuptials.