By Lex September 01, 2014 @ 10:54 AM
Fuck you for telling a lady on her wedding days she can’t feel like a virgin. Jenny McCarthy looked like an angel with silicon tits at her marriage over the weekend to the less successful Wahlberg brother. While celebrity marriages face long odds, celebrity marriages where both spouses have clear calendars until their iPhones stop counting stand a remarkably good chance at success.
Mark Wahlberg was unable to attend the wedding because he didn’t have enough airline points. Also because he’s a Catholic who believes you charitably accept wayward whores, you don’t marry them. Everybody was happy for Donnie for bagging the busty blond so they could update his Wiki page for the first time in twenty years. Donnie’s already practiced his ‘no comment’ smile for when reporters ask him if he agrees with his wife that ebola is natural and just makes kids stronger.
Photo credit: INF Photos
By Jack September 01, 2014 @ 9:20 AM
Marky Mark Wahlberg decided to not attend the wedding of his brother Donnie to screeching succubus Jenny McCarthy. Maybe he hates her because she is a batshit crazy anti-vaxxer bitchhole or maybe it’s just that he likes being the only asshole in the room and doesn’t want to share the spotlight.
Read all about Marky Mark’s feely feelings. (Dlisted)
Playmate April Summers has some big ‘ol titty balls. (COED)
“The Jersey Shore Massacre” may be the best movie ever. By best movie I mean a huge pile of shit. (Huffington Post)
Freckle-faced Nadine Leopold is hot as fuck in this spread for Urban Outfitters. (Popoholic)
Arianna Grande wears a very short skirt on the Today Show. Very short. (Drunken Stepfather)
Nina Dobrev in a bikini on a yacht. Happy fucking Labor Day! (Egotastic)
I fucking hate Rihanna but appreciate her in a bikini. (The Superficial)
By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 3:13 PM
Weddings always make me cry. I’m a sucker for true love. And if this world can’t stop for a minute and recognize the romance between a topless model who technically never once told moms not to vaccinate their kids and a guy whose brother has been good in three out of twenty-four films he’s made, then why the fuck is it spinning in its first place? That’s rhetorical. Where’s my fucking hanky.
Photo Credit: Shape
By Lex April 16, 2014 @ 3:17 PM
Jenny McCarthy has a new ring on her finger. And, no, it’s not the platinum band to signify her millionth child kill through ardently promoting the spread of preventable infectious disease. She’s engaged to Donnie Wahlberg, the former New Kids on the Block performer and present day, Police Detective #5 on numerous TV shows. Still, he’s Mark Wahlberg’s brother which makes him a definite catch by just a degree of separation. Already, the couple are planning on combining Jenny’s advanced knowledge of epidemiology gleaned from ‘some JuCo’ with Donnie’s highly practiced rhythmic dance moves to produce a series of educational videos for children called ‘Polio Means Mommy Loves Me’. Through song and dance, afflicted children will come to merrily accept their shorter life spans and extended stays coughing up blood in hospital wards. The whole family will cheer when Jenny herself comes out in leg braces and does the robot. Best of luck to Jenny and Donnie on their nuptials.
By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
At first, when I read that Donnie Wahlberg is now dating Jenny McCarthy and was her date to the Dancing With the Stars charity event on Saturday, I thought to myself, “This guy’s a surprisingly successful actor after he spent most of his younger years as the wannabe hard ass douchebag in a boy band filled with other generic douchebags, so why the fuck is he with a washed up, worn out attention whore like her?”
But then I realized that he’s still just Donnie Wahlberg, so he’s probably pretty happy to be playing with her only valuable assets, even if they’ve gone from midnight to 6 pm pretty quickly over the last few years.
(Photo Credits: Getty)