Ice T Branding His Kid

By Matt August 04, 2015 @ 7:33 AM


Ice T just knocked up his wife whom he married to brag about her silicon ass to his friends. He’s 57. She’s a young 74. Ice has a few children from previously relationships. In fact he hit for the cycle and his grandson is in jail for shooting a dude with a stolen gun. It’s unclear if Ice jerked off into a cup or onto her hair. When the kid is 16 he’ll be Robocop. Don’t worry about the math. Luckily rappers have a long life span. Ice T has been on Law and Order SVU since 1999. That’s sixteen seasons, now you know how your grandmother spends her days. Those residuals keep coming in. The kid’s name is Chanel. Pepsi is considering tattooing its face just waiting for the check to clear. Why is your dad dead? Weekend at Bernies SVU. You just got Iced.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Ice T Stands Up for Ass (VIDEO)

By Matt June 26, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

When you find yourself on national television explaining that your wife’s as is made of real human fatty flesh to an incredulous audience, you must realize the extent of your cartoonish fetishization. Ice-T explained that people often gawk at Coco’s ass like a freak show exhibit, assuming that the human form cannot naturally anthropomorphize itself into such a sexually exaggerated incarnation.

“When people see something that they can’t believe, then they go ‘oh it has to be fake’… it’s like ‘you got something that’s unusual’ and they can’t believe it so it’s gotta be fake.”

I don’t know. Just yesterday R. Kelly admonished us all to only believe what we see with our own eyes when discussing his daughter whose seventh grade project was becoming a boy. I’ve seen Coco’s ass. It looks fake. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I guess women like to call other women out for being fake. Most men could care less about such trivial debate. They just want to know if they can finish on your wife’s booty and make a puddle that lingers until next Tuesday. Since you asked, Mr. Ice. Now, you may kill me.

Coco Makes A Great Party Host

By Travis September 03, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Coco Austin and Ice-T were the special guest hosts of the “Sunday School” party at the Hard Rock’s Body English Nightclub in Las Vegas, and it’s pretty great that the legendary gangster rapper and pimp can still make it out to support his wife. Of course, by support I mean that he’s there to follow her around and make sure she doesn’t tip over or suddenly pass out, because the fact that she doesn’t completely lose circulation in all of her extremities by wearing clothes intended for women one-third her side is a modern miracle of medicine and science.

(Photo Credits: DJDM/

Coco Is Trying To Tell Us Something

By Travis March 12, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Ice-T was out shopping with his wife, Nicole “Coco” Austin, yesterday in Los Angeles before grabbing lunch in West Hollywood, and everything seemed fine between them as she stopped to stretch and remind everyone that she has cartoonishly large breasts. But their appearance together is somewhat odd, because a bunch sites have been claiming that Ice-T filed for divorce last week.

A rapper named AP.9, who has written such hits as “Nobody Has Ever Heard of Me” and “You May Recognize Me from Taco Bell”, released some pictures of him and Coco to San Francisco’s 106 KMEL, and he claims that they are evidence that he slept with Ice-T’s wife. Two of the pictures show AP.9 grabbing her giant ass, while another has a cat photoshopped over what appears to be her exposed vagina. Additionally, AP.9 released a text message that he sent Ice-T back in December, admitting that he slept with Coco but also claiming that he had to look out for his reputation.

What’s sad about this isn’t that Coco may have cheated on Ice-T. It’s that 30 years ago, this AP.9 guy would have disappeared within minutes of telling Ice-T that he nailed his wife. Now they’ll probably just turn it into an episode of Law & Order SVU and Ice-T will get a manicure. Rappers used to be so much scarier.

(Photo Credits: WENN)

shut down the beaches!

By brendon December 28, 2009 @ 3:30 PM


Ice T and his wife CoCo were in Miami today, and it weren’t no time at all before pictures started floatin around that proved just that. Sheriff Brody begged the city council to shut down the beaches but they wouldn’t listen. Didn’t wanna start a panic, scare off the tourists, they said. Not with the winter festival comin’ up. Well now this CoCo as they’re callin her has gone and found a little girl. They knew CoCo was out there and they did nothin and now a little girl is in the headlines too. Now y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. This one here’ll, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. I’ll find her for three, but I’ll catch her, and kill her, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.

lets class this mutha fukka up

By brendon April 17, 2009 @ 6:54 AM

I think everyone can agree that tea is a pretty faggity drink, so where does this dude get off trying to act all tough.  He went out of his way to choose the name Ice-T.  What gang was he in, the Kool Aid Kids?   Someone named “Ice-T” would only be tough in a comic you get from the pediatrician.  He and a candy bar would fight an apple and Captain Toothbrush.

(you might be wondering what coco looked like naked in 1999.  oh hey look)