Animated human fecal matter is back as MTV creates a Mexican version of The Jersey Shore. The show will take place somewhere in Mexico and will feature trashy sluts and moronic gym rats drinking and fucking their way into our hearts. The show is going to be set in one of the trashiest cities in all of Mexico — everywhere. The Fresa is the Hispanic version of the Guidette and there are Guido-like types a plenty. Did you think that Italian-Americans had a monopoly on taking ‘roids and acting like d-bags? No way, guey! Have you been to Miami? It’s unclear yet whether God will send a hurricane to wipe out the Mexi-shore as he did the Jersey Shore to show his wrath for sodomy and really crappy television, but you can count on the girls getting pregnant even faster than Snooki and J-Woww.
I’m told by imaginary voices that Deena Cortese is one of the girls from MTV’s already forgotten reality series, The Jersey Shore, but she’s not the short one that is slowly withering away like she just looked at the Ark, nor is she the one with the gigantic breasts that look like they were created by the Mayans to store winter harvests. So which one of Deena? The world may never know.
But thanks to her Twitter feed, we at least know that she has breasts and a partially-covered vagina. She could have the face of Heaven’s most beautiful angel or it could be the front end of a Lincoln Navigator. Either way, I’m really proud of her today for sticking with what matters the most.
Now that Snooki has become a huge success at being a human bobblehead doll, her castmate from Jersey Shore Jenni Farley, AKA JWOWW, has also figured out what it is she wants to be when she grows up. Because it takes practically no talent at all, JWOWW has fit right in as one of the new young cast members on the soap opera One Life to Live, which has been downgraded from actual TV series to something lonely women watch on Hulu.
She talked about why (money) she took this interesting next step (money) in her career (money) at the show’s New York City premiere earlier this week.
“My manager suggested I should give it a try since I want to get into acting,” JWOWW said of her guest role on the show.
“I grew up watching most of them with my grandmother. It became our thing… Snuggling up on the couch after school with my grandma catching up on soaps.” (Radar)
She also defended MTV’s Teen Mom show, claiming that teenage pregnancies dropped in the U.S. after that show debuted. But that’s probably just because the meth kills them first.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
Though there doesn’t appear to be any firm offer on the table, Sammi Sweetheart of ‘Jerey Shore’ is said to be “considering” whether she should pose for Playboy.
“I just feel weird about my boobs. … But I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the right direction you want to go in.”
Yeah it would be a real shame for Sammi to sully her good name by posing in Playboy. She has such a bright future ahead of her.
(image source = fame)
JWoww went to New York yesterday for the launch of her exclusive fragrance line at K-Mart, which is exactly the kind of place I assumed would have an exclusive fragrance line from JWoww. It’s surprising more of the ‘Jersey Shore’ cast doesn’t have perfumes and colognes, because you can’t watch that show for 5 minutes without thinking, “I bet those people smell terrific.”
(image source = splash)
You’re gonna find this impossible to believe, but on ‘Jersey Shore’ last night, Snooki and Deena went to a club and got drunk. And then after that they started making out. As gross as that sounds, please note that I mean with each other.
And thanks to a weak gag reflex, that’s about where I stopped reading. They could have fought King Kong after that for all I know.