If the Kardashians Tits Go Somewhere Without a Selfie, Did It Really Happen?

By Lex January 30, 2015 @ 10:08 AM

The-Kardashians-And-Cara-Delevingne-Go-See-Sam-Smith-In-Concert
The porn star, the large one, the model, and her British lesbian girlfriend all went to see Sam Smith in concert. God invented Sam Smith so that he could finally take Spandau Ballet into heaven. It’s a big to do when three or more Kardashians are in the same place at the same time. I believe the appropriate term for a group of Kardashians is a whoreling. After the show, Sam Smith allowed the girls to use him as a prop for their selfies as he gave them a few bars of his new sad song about when cock goes flaccid. Kim and Khloe just sighed, while Kendall and Cara finger banged each other and promised their love would be forever. Then somebody made a joke about it being a school night and everybody laughed and queefed.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kardashians Lack Creative Fiber

By Matt January 09, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

Rob

Rob Kardashian forgot his phone and his two thieving whore sisters used it to take selfies and posted them to his Instagram account as a prank. Except this isn’t real. Only half abandoned dropouts who were teething during The Love Boat could apply themselves and still come up with something this lame:

“I’m looking thru all of his text messages and WOW just WOW ladies.”

Wouldn’t any of the hypothetical texts in his phone be more interesting than your face, since we’ve seen all three of your holes too many times? Especially the worst one. At the very least he’s cheating on his diet or crying in the utility shed. There’s got to be some dirty in there. Maybe he killed JonBenet Ramsey. Still an improvement. Maybe he just convinced you to promote his Instagram account for him because nobody gives a shit. Equally as lame as the JonBenet thing. Have some respect next time Rob. The gun’s in the closet next to OJ’s bloody knife.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

1Oak Went for the Bargain Kardashian

By Lex December 31, 2014 @ 11:40 AM

Khloe Kardashian Wears A Plunging Neckline At 1 OAK Nightclub In Las Vegas
Kendall Jenner in your harem for one evening runs you the annual salary of a decent utility infielder. You can book Khloe for your Vegas gig for  a dozen tins of beef stroganoff. If you’ve ever spent New Year’s in Vegas, you know that 90% of the customer base is so wasted they won’t know which Kardashian you’re fronting at your club, let alone if she’s the famous Push Me Pull You the cab driver got greased to tell you is a must see in Vegas. It’s a shame that the technology has yet to be invented that can give Khloe the raw whore appeal of her sisters. Something to chat about when she visits her real dad at the Lovelock Correctional Center.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

The Kardashian Kristmas Party

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 8:45 AM

The Kardashian Kristmas
Things most commonly heard at a Kardashian Christmas Party. You slut. Followed by, I know, followed by, I’m so jealous, and finally, let’s finger each other’s buttholes then go kill mother. They giggle at the last remark because they know without a priest descended directly from St. Paul they are helpless to do the latter. A jaunty game of Scrabble inevitably ends in a scoreless tie proceeds the eggnog fight on the designer dresses which caps off the night. As the girls lay drugged in their woven basket beds on the kitchen floor, Santa approves a Paypal charge and gets twenty minutes to empty himself on the large one. Somewhere, Baby Jesus weeps, but nobody notices.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Khloe Kardashian Has Problem Ass

By Lex November 26, 2014 @ 9:54 AM

Khloe Kardashian Shows Off Butt With See Through Leggings At The Gym
Remember when Lululemon sent out a recall notice because ladies with enormous haunches were stretching their yoga pants to the point of being profane? Time to loosen the rules on the email spam filter.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Nobody Wore Bras to the American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

Kendall-Jenner-and-Kylie-Jenner-Braless-at-the-AMAs
Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet