By Travis December 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
On last night’s episode of Kashing In With the Kardashians, Kris Jenner and her living, breathing ATMs showed off their brand new Christmas card, which shockingly reveals that this family loves taking all of your money. I’m told that the image above is not actually the Kardashian Christmas card and it is, in fact, an orangutan drinking its own urine, and that E! has what it claims is the card in question, as photographed by David LaChappelle. But I think this one is way better, with a better possible alternative being Kendall Jenner’s nipples.
Photo Credits: E!
By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 3:06 PM
Lamar Odom is not going away cheaply. Apparently he wants ten million in Kardashian bitcoin to walk away from Khloe Kardashian and the family and keep his mouth shut about all their behind the sausage factory gristle. He also wants his $875K engagement ring back from Khloe, mostly just because during one hour of sobriety last week he suddenly realized how fucking stupid that was. If Lamar doesn’t get his cash, he’s threatening to tell all about Kardashian family plastic surgeries, Kris Jenner’s sinister raising of her offspring, and, worst of all…
“Lamar is also prepared to destroy Khloe’s reputation by discussing their sex tape…” – a source to the National Enquirer
Holy mother of God, no, Lamar. Not the nuclear option. I’m willing to chip in a few bucks, we all should, to have that wildlife documentary burned and its ashes buried in a lead urn in the deepest reaches of the Mariana Trench. Imagine Khloe naked and rubbing cocoa butter on her toot bellowing for Lamar to fill her bucket. Then see if you don’t find five spare bucks in your pocket to stop this madness.
By Lex November 22, 2013 @ 4:06 PM
Looks like Khloe won her bet with Scott Disick that she could lose the weight of a Mack Truck cab in six months. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even show. She was mostly carrying it in her shoulders. Buried there in singles, for one shining moment, Khloe got to know what it feels like to really be wanted by Lamar Odom. You might be asking yourself how Scott Disick can afford to throw around large quantities of cash given that he’s apparently never held a job in his life. According to the mostly reliable Celebrity Net Worth, Disick’s worth $12 million for banging a couple babies into Kourtney Kardashian and drinking champagne. Now, you can start thinking about killing yourself because this world is not getting any fairer.
Photo Credit: Scott Disick/Instagram
By Lex November 05, 2013 @ 1:40 PM
Kris Jenner is the Energizer bunny of pimping out her kids. With all the negative news surrounding the family of late, divorces, illegitimate kids, all the buried babies yet to be washed up during the first winter rain, Kris grabbed her female children, some revealing dresses, and got everybody out to the beach to show off some titty. Of age, barely legal, fat and gunky, underaged, it did not matter. Just get the sun glare and the soft lenses working, the girls in some skin baring outfits, and start snapping away. And it’s all perfectly legal. She’s like the most dangerous Batman villain yet.
Photo Credit: The Kardashians/Instagram
By Travis October 17, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
As Lamar Odom continues to try to keep his marriage with Khloe Kardashian together for the sake of the giant paychecks they receive from E! for their reality series, he also reportedly believes that there’s a snowball’s chance in Los Angeles that another NBA team would give him a shot again after he spent most of the last two months either smoking crack or denying it. But now TMZ reports that the always opportunistic and shamelessly exploitative Oprah Winfrey is trying to land a tell-all TV interview with Lamar with the hopes that her relationship with the Kardashians will earn his trust.
Know what else might earn his trust? A large check. Or just cut out at the middle man and tell him to look under his seat. What’s in that gift box, Oprah? “IT’S CRACK COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!”
Photo Credit: JP/JFXimages/WENN.com
By Travis October 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
While Lamar Odom’s crack smoke hasn’t even dissipated yet, Kris Jenner is rumored to be hard at work in finding a new boyfriend for Khloe Kardashian, who isn’t divorced, but who the fuck cares when there’s cash and ratings to be earned? According to In Touch, Kris has been trying to set Khloe up with rapper Drake because she thinks the daughter she probably had with someone who isn’t Robert Kardashian finally deserves someone who isn’t a jerk. Meanwhile, Kris herself will probably soon be looking for a new boyfriend now that she and Bruce Jenner have split, and I’ve got my fingers crossed for Chris Brown’s dad or a bunch of starving sharks.
(Photo Credit: Kris Jenner’s Instagram)