Khloe Kardashian “Untouched” And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 27, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Khloe Kardashian caught a lot of shit after her Complex Magazine spread. People said they were retouched and by retouched I mean put through more filters than fucking Avatar. Here she reveals her “unretouched” photos…which still look Photoshopped as fuck.

See her thighs for yourself. (TMZ)

Brenda Song would like you to check out her tits. (Last Men On Earth)

Rhian Sugden is topless for your viewing pleasure. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Phoebe Price’s Thanksgiving slut fest is frigh-ten-ing. (Dlisted)

Sexy girls take hot post-Thanksgiving selfies. (The Chive)

Bella Thorne’s cleavage in Glamour Magazine is fucking epic. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez looks cold in that revealing dress. (Drunken Stepfather)

Khloe Kardashian Infected

By Lex November 19, 2015 @ 7:22 AM


Khloe Kardashian got staph infection at Lamar’s bedside according to TMZ sources which still smell like Kris Jenner’s anal rim eau de toilette. The breathless announcement has nothing to do with Charlie Sheen confessing he has the pre-AIDS and winning every gossip headline. Khloe’s deadly diagnosis should serve as a reminder how selfless the Big One has been while nursing Lamar through his bout with hooker coma. Also that her book, Eat Like a Cow, Act Like a Lady, is still for sales wherever dumb people buy books. Press conferences to commence at 2pm and 7pm, followed by Khloe reading a chapter from her book through an endotracheal tube for no medical reason. See you on the other side, Khloe. The salad bar stations in heaven are all chocolate pudding.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Khloe and Lamar Call Off Divorce

By Lex October 21, 2015 @ 11:30 AM


In a twist completely unexpected by the encephalitic and very poor prognosticators of dingy tawdry family drama, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have called off their divorce. TMZ got a copy of the judicial request signed by Khloe and counter signed by Lamar with something approximating an emoji smiley face to quash their previous divorce filings. It’s almost like God knew these two needed to be together so he sent Lamar on a four year crack and whore bender that ultimately led to him stroking out to a couple of low rent sex workers in the Nevada desert thereby bringing Khloe back into his life. Talk about your mysterious ways. Love really is the strongest power in the universe. Especially when one of the two parties has been disabled by renal failure and a brain hemorrhage. Somebody keep their eyes on that tall dark drink of water. The allure of the pipe is strongest when a fat chick is riding your cock and sobbing out the word ‘Lammy’.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Kardashians Battling Brothel Pimp for Comatose Odom Sympathy Space

By Lex October 16, 2015 @ 11:18 AM


Khloe Kardashian and her entourage of press agents, business managers and the legally mandated guy who stands at the ready with an animal tranquilizer gun when she enters mall food courts have laid into Dennis Hof, the creepy owner of the Love Ranch where Lamar Odom fucked himself into a multiple organ failure coma. Kardashian has insisted Hof respect Lamar Odom’s privacy and cease his Love Ranch promotional tour. Who doesn’t want to visit a brothel in the middle of arid nowhere known for being the place where a guy got billed for three rim jobs after he had stroked out.

There’s only so much attention whoring space around Odom’s graphic demise and the Kardashians want it. What Hof can turn into thousands, they can turn into millions. Also, they are praying heavily for Lamar on Twitter as dictated by their Catholic faith. Hof told them all to go to hell because he’s spent a lifetime working with devious whores and knows how to handle the Kardashians. Khloe still technically holds the end of life rights on Lamar since they were never fully legally divorced. That gives her the finger on the trigger upper hand. I will send Lamar to meet his maker if you don’t quit your PR shit and somebody doesn’t get me a bucket of original recipe stat. Code blue. I’m fucking hungry. Where’s E! Channel with my Pulling the Plug: Khloe’s Anguishing Decision special? Chicken first!

Photo credit: Getty Images/Twitter

Lamar Odom Fucked Himself Critical

By Lex October 14, 2015 @ 6:32 AM

Cowboys want to die with their boots on. Soldiers, in battle. Dudes who used to be married to Kardashians can only pray the hookers hide the narcotics before the EMTs arrive. Lamar Odom is closing in on being another notch on the reality show death list after being found unconscious and smothered in his own vomit after several days of drugs and perma-fucking at the Love Ranch in Nevada.

Whatever desire Lamar Odom had to live to see his various bastard children grow up was stripped away when he started plowing the fat Kardashian sister and agreed to be a part of the reality TV ruse. It’s been a steady descent toward motel room death for Odom ever since. Is it Khloe’s shrill voice and bologna scented vagina that he can’t get out of his head? Kris Jenner’s boozy come-ons and con job charities he’s trying to forget? Odom was once a super talented young number four overall pick into the NBA. Now he’s a mindless vessel filled with herbal viagra, crack, and gin. Upload the melancholy bumper music and book the key advertisers for the E! special. Wait until you see Caitlin in something fetching crying over his comatose body. He was going to die either way. Why not make some money for an unnamed charity.

Khloe Kardashian Removes Daddy Tramp Stamp

By Lex September 07, 2015 @ 9:22 AM


Only those who’ve gone beast mode on Khloe Kardashian have been privy to the ‘Daddy’ tattoo she had put above her ass crack in honor of her dad who died because God couldn’t believe he invented anything that could find O.J. not guilty. If you look closely, you see the word Daddy just above an intricate map to where the bloody knife is hidden.

The end of an era… Got this bad boy when I was 16… Not so cute anymore. I should’ve listened to Kim when she told me, ‘You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley.’ Bye-bye bumper sticker!!!”

Inking Dead Robert Kardashian’s memory on the cum divot on your lower back was super cute at sixteen, but now it’s creeping everybody the fuck out. You’re having a hard day, but I have to tell you that your sister calling you a Bentley is not a compliment. Ask her what car she is. I bet it’s less than four tons and fits in a residential garage.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

A video posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on