Kendall Jenner and Kourtney Kardashian in Bikinis

By Lex August 21, 2015 @ 10:11 AM

The Kardashians Continue Bikini Adventure In St Barts
Kendall Jenner tried to spell out the name of a new ADHD drug in the sand to earn herself a $30K bonus but ended up drawing a picture of Khloe’s vagina with a giant three headed black baby pushing through. Her artistic skills are often overlooked in light of everything else she has to offer like a flat stomach and being 5’10 and not questioning voice commands from behind curtains. The entire whore family is in St. Bart’s continuing to take shots of their areolae and powdered over track marks so that gay men in six months will have something to watch on E!. None of it makes much sense. Just smile and wave. The GDP of Guyana is in a check in your mailbox back home. Check for open sores before commencing and you might live to spend it.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kylie Jenner And Kourtney Kardashian Tit Showdown

By Lex August 19, 2015 @ 10:13 AM

Kylie Jenner And Kourtney Kardashian Bikinis In St. Barts
These Jenner girls are going to outdo their hag half-sisters by some multiples of stupid money. They’re not infected with Dead Bob genetics, instead they got the lineage of a gold medal father who makes a half-decent looking old woman. Kylie Jenner’s Val-u-pack tits are fifteen years younger, firmer, and less covered in the residual goo of Moroccan men with gold by the inch vending cart empires. The entire family has been in St. Bart’s filming Whores on Parade and receiving awards from the local governor for bringing attention to the plight of plastic surgery addicted midgets. I could stare at those tits all day long. Or I could empty my bank account and touch Kyle over the bra for 2 minutes plus some seconds. Raw capitalism isn’t dead. It just smells like Armenian snatch. Again.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Ripe and Ready

By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 9:15 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Major Cleavage While Out In Hollywood
A Kardashian’s tits are her semaphores to the world that she’s ready to receive man juice in her cloacal. Kourtney Kardashian feels the urgency to do whatever the fuck it is it says in her script for this coming season. Will she marry a handsome restauranteur who takes to her kids and be happily ever after? Will she contract The AIDS from a Mali-born rapper and tearfully explain to her children which of them will receive her implants post-mortem. What do you mean your stepdad is now a woman? How am I not watching this?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 10:52 AM

Kardashians Unite In White
The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It’s liturgy repeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fat injected sisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer.  Also, a green band trailer for those going to Armenian heaven. It we’d yanked their reproductive parts from the outset, this might be simply amusing. Walking away into the sunset is not an option. Leg shaking creampies into the gutter seems more realistic. Girls will be girls.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Dumps Disick

By Lex July 06, 2015 @ 12:32 PM

Disick-and-Kardashian-and-Kids

Sometimes you need to make numerous babies with an unemployed alcoholic before you can size up his boyfriend viability. Kourtney Kardashian had to know there was something wrong with Scott Disick the first time she realized he wasn’t black and his dick wasn’t painfully pressing up against her small intestine during intercourse. She could’ve asked her sisters. Now the eldest Kardashian midget whore has told her long time boyfriend to take his $12 million in net worth from the show and take a hike. Kourtney will finally have a tear filled storyline to A-block the show. Disick will move to a swank condo in Aspen and drunk fuck hot chicks who believe he’s really going to pass their demos on to Kanye. Usually breakups with little kids involve lots of pain and suffering. In this case, they’ll be able to limit the immense downside to just the children. Huzzah.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Scott Disick Beaver Shy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 21, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Scott Disick abhors the hair around his Kardashian baby mama’s snatch patch. He helped shave Kourtney’s bush because pubes remind him too much of what can happen to the prettiest smallest boy in the high school locker room.

Read all about Scott’s fear of pubes. (Huffington Post)

Elsa Hosk looks highly fuckable in some lacy lingerie. (Egotastic)

Miley Cyrus broke up with Patrick Schwarzenegger because he’s a big ‘ol man whore. (TMZ)

Nina Agdal’s ass is reason enough to stay on Instagram. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sarah Hyland in a short skirt makes me think bad thoughts. (Hollywood Tuna)

Blake Lively’s tits look amazing in a see-through red dress. (Popoholic)

Let’s celebrate the underboob! (The Chive)