Kourtney Kardashian Daughter Takes One to the Chin

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 11:11 AM

You’re a pretty sick bastard if the sight of a girl taking a car door to the face makes you laugh. I did. You can see the high-speed frame shots HERE.

People are criticizing Kourtney Kardashian for reflexively waiting for her nanny to appear on the scene to assist her daughter crying on the ground after taking a car door to the face in Malibu. Who doesn’t remember their oblivious mom peacocking them around town for the cameras and taking repeated Range Rover door panels to the grill. The entourage of nannies and security that follow the Kardashians on their public outings are trained to keep several paces off-camera so they don’t spoil what appears to be normal mom shit going down. It’s like FDR being stood up for his public speeches. America needed the reassurance. Kourtney can make more babies. This nanny has only one that keeps her rent paid. Reaction times adjusted accordingly.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Topless In Vanity Fair

By Lex October 07, 2015 @ 9:44 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Butt Nekkid In Vanity Fair
Kourtney Kardashian released photos from Vanity Fair where she appears to be writhing in pain from family branded diet powder withdrawal. Like Trainspotting, but even less intelligible. With three illegitimate children, Kourtney Kardashian has always been seen as the thoughtful sister among the porn family coven. I question the wisdom of these photos. Wait for the Red Cross to arrive with a hot meal and a blanket. You’ll have to fuck one of them, but think of the wonderful stories for the Gonorrhea and Etc. chapter of your memoirs.

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair

Kourtney Kardashian in A Bikini

By Lex September 09, 2015 @ 7:03 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Cleavy Ice Cream In LA
Kourtney Kardashian put all her eggs in the basket of a snowboarding alcoholic who she completely failed to recognize had no male friends. She could’ve looked right to Bruce Jenner who also had no male friends, a complication of incessantly polling your buddies, ‘Okay, obviously this is never going to happen, but let’s just say I was a woman instead of a man, would you pound my ass and call me Caitlin?’.

Kardashian took to the web to bare a picture of her big tits and something horribly wrong with her navel while riding a tricycle. A little signal to the eligible bachelors that she’s playful and kooky, and a nod to wealthy Middle Eastern businessmen that she can play young. You get versatile when you’ve got mouths to feed. Eventually all the super dumb people will be dead and she’ll need a new bag. Toxic shock syndrom litigant has already been taken. It’s trophy wife or human bowling pin. I assume you’d like to keep your fake teeth.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram

Kendall Jenner and Kourtney Kardashian in Bikinis

By Lex August 21, 2015 @ 10:11 AM

The Kardashians Continue Bikini Adventure In St Barts
Kendall Jenner tried to spell out the name of a new ADHD drug in the sand to earn herself a $30K bonus but ended up drawing a picture of Khloe’s vagina with a giant three headed black baby pushing through. Her artistic skills are often overlooked in light of everything else she has to offer like a flat stomach and being 5’10 and not questioning voice commands from behind curtains. The entire whore family is in St. Bart’s continuing to take shots of their areolae and powdered over track marks so that gay men in six months will have something to watch on E!. None of it makes much sense. Just smile and wave. The GDP of Guyana is in a check in your mailbox back home. Check for open sores before commencing¬†and you might live to spend it.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kylie Jenner And Kourtney Kardashian Tit Showdown

By Lex August 19, 2015 @ 10:13 AM

Kylie Jenner And Kourtney Kardashian Bikinis In St. Barts
These Jenner girls are going to outdo their hag half-sisters by some multiples of stupid money. They’re not infected with Dead Bob genetics, instead they got the lineage of a gold medal father who makes a half-decent looking old woman. Kylie Jenner’s Val-u-pack tits are fifteen years younger, firmer, and less covered in the residual goo of Moroccan men with gold by the inch vending cart empires. The entire family has been in St. Bart’s filming Whores on Parade and receiving awards from the local governor for bringing attention to the plight of plastic surgery addicted midgets. I could stare at those tits all day long. Or I could empty my bank account and touch Kyle over the bra for 2 minutes plus some seconds. Raw capitalism isn’t dead. It just smells like Armenian snatch. Again.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Ripe and Ready

By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 9:15 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Major Cleavage While Out In Hollywood
A Kardashian’s tits are her semaphores to the world that she’s ready to receive man juice in her cloacal. Kourtney Kardashian feels the urgency to do whatever the fuck it is it says in her script for this coming season. Will she marry a handsome restauranteur who takes to her kids and be happily ever after? Will she contract The AIDS from a Mali-born rapper and tearfully explain to her children which of them will receive her implants post-mortem. What do you mean your stepdad is now a woman? How am I not watching this?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet