Kardashian Nipples Take Manhattan

By Lex February 11, 2016 @ 9:11 AM

Kim And Kourtney Kardashian Go Sheer
Combine the archetypal male fantasy of midget whores with giant potato head babies crowning through rapper creampied vaginas and you have my attention. Magic like this doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are teams of assistants providing hair and wardrobe and STD blister mitigation support. Then and only then can you say, I was there when Cloverfield revealed itself. I remember four tits and the smell of an uncleaned 7-Eleven hot dog warming roller. Then darkness.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Braless

By Lex January 29, 2016 @ 7:54 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Sheer Top In LA
Kourtney Kardashian is often described as the chaste Kardashian sister. Quite a feat when you’ve had three kids out of wedlock and you’ve never owned a bra. That used to get you dunked to see if you were a witch. Now you get skin care companies paying to be the brand you use to excessively moisturize your chest in public. There will be a dozen new Kardashians in the coming generation. Cue System of a Down. We’re going to need more Armenian genocide songs.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kardashian Nibbles on A Kit Kat (VIDEO)

By Lex January 11, 2016 @ 11:11 AM

Kourtney-Eats-a-Kit-Kat
Now that each of the Kardashian sisters have launched their own pay sites and app, they’ve had to enhance their content with premium shit beyond the shout outs, platitudes, and general tit grifting they do on their free media channels. Smart people don’t have that much interesting to share. Vapid ambulatory pie holes even less. The production teams behind the apps are scrambling to turn any little shit they can post into a sensational reveal.

Today Kourtney Kardashian showed her paid subscribers how the Kardashian girls were taught to eat a Kit-Kat in the second grade. It’s lighthearted fun for her encephalitic mega-fans until you realize the kiddy candy bar nibbling exercises were a crass element of the early whore training regimen instilled by Kris Jenner. It’ like watching an old Super-8 of cute toe-head kids beating on tom-toms until they start reciting a pledge of allegiance to Hitler and you start feeling a little sick. Tell me again how you lick the outside for twenty minutes until the flavor explosion comes? Oh, mommy’s so proud of you. You may eat today.

Justin Bieber Might Be Fucking Kourtney Kardashian

By Lex December 14, 2015 @ 10:25 AM

Justin-Bieber-Instagram-with-Chick

Rumors swirled over the weekend by and between people who have no interest in sports that Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian were getting it on. CNN covered it because Let’s Not Call Them Muslim Terrorists haven’t killed women and children in several days now. It makes sense from the standpoint of Bieber trying to bang as many famous women as possible before his time runs out.

The pair have been spotted leaving nightclubs lately. And Kardashian loves babies. When Bieber posted this faceless poster of some chick he was making out with on top of his modified Audi because Germans love freestyle, it was just assumed it was Kourtney Kardashian. She and her sisters have been fucked on many car hoods while a guy stands off to the side taking pictures and giving direction in one of the Slavic languages. It turned out to be some random blonde girl. And Bieber trying to show off the new wing ink he got on the back of his neck after the tattoo artist told him the word HOMO seemed to on the nose. It’s unclear if there is to be a next step in the Bieber-Kardashian relationship. Look for some Tweets about just being super good friends with LOLs. Followed by murder suicide. Tiny people are crazy with the passions.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kourtney Kardashian Launches

By Lex December 09, 2015 @ 7:47 AM

Kourtney-Kardashian-Vodka

Kourtney Kardashian is the final sister in the coven to launch her eponymous app. Unlike Kim’s personal app focused on scheming and whoring, and Khloe’s tips on how to beat the hormone tests and qualify for women’s athletics, Kourtney made her site extremely personal. As personal as you can get when you’re not the person creating the personal content.

I am so happy to finally have a space where I can share my obsessions and the things that I am most passionate about.

That blinding passion is vegan Rice Krispies treats. That’s how Kourtney broke out of the gate. Good luck finding that elsewhere on the Internet. Coming soon: tips on how to rear three illegitimate children with a modest staff of illegals trained to hide from the cameras. The purpose of these Kardashian premium apps is to separate fools from their money. It’s a classic bit of laboratory Darwinism. Resources move from the stupid to the greedy stupid. Then God kills the greedy stupid in bathroom accidents. It’s a myth that only the good die young. $2.99 a month sounds a lot like $3. How many nude photos do I get?

Photo credit: Getty Images

Kourtney Kardashian Nude Promotions

By Lex November 19, 2015 @ 12:28 PM

Kourtney Kardashian Undressed For New Promo
Kourtney Kardashian showing off where bastard babies come from encapsulates everything that’s wrong with Kardashian media content. It’s porn with far too much yapping between the money shots. Nobody wants to see Emmanuelle exploring erotic fabrics in Bangkok for an hour and a half anymore. I got five chubby black dudes and a girl in a mask good to go for a three minute Xhamster video. Stop cutting in divorces and tranny paternity issues betwixt my titty shots. Kourtney writhing naked on the ground is your Oscar.

Photo Credit: “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” Promo E!