Kourtney Kardashian Ripe and Ready

By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 9:15 AM

Kourtney Kardashian Major Cleavage While Out In Hollywood
A Kardashian’s tits are her semaphores to the world that she’s ready to receive man juice in her cloacal. Kourtney Kardashian feels the urgency to do whatever the fuck it is it says in her script for this coming season. Will she marry a handsome restauranteur who takes to her kids and be happily ever after? Will she contract The AIDS from a Mali-born rapper and tearfully explain to her children which of them will receive her implants post-mortem. What do you mean your stepdad is now a woman? How am I not watching this?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kardashian Sisters Form a Sexually Up For Anything Megazord

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 10:52 AM

Kardashians Unite In White
The Kardashian sisters stick together through their first three marriages and first five abortions. It’s liturgy repeated since their tween days deadlifting kettle-bells with their sphincter muscles in the family dojo. Seeing the fat injected sisters in tight white was like an erection gun for the inner city summer.  Also, a green band trailer for those going to Armenian heaven. It we’d yanked their reproductive parts from the outset, this might be simply amusing. Walking away into the sunset is not an option. Leg shaking creampies into the gutter seems more realistic. Girls will be girls.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kourtney Kardashian Dumps Disick

By Lex July 06, 2015 @ 12:32 PM

Disick-and-Kardashian-and-Kids

Sometimes you need to make numerous babies with an unemployed alcoholic before you can size up his boyfriend viability. Kourtney Kardashian had to know there was something wrong with Scott Disick the first time she realized he wasn’t black and his dick wasn’t painfully pressing up against her small intestine during intercourse. She could’ve asked her sisters. Now the eldest Kardashian midget whore has told her long time boyfriend to take his $12 million in net worth from the show and take a hike. Kourtney will finally have a tear filled storyline to A-block the show. Disick will move to a swank condo in Aspen and drunk fuck hot chicks who believe he’s really going to pass their demos on to Kanye. Usually breakups with little kids involve lots of pain and suffering. In this case, they’ll be able to limit the immense downside to just the children. Huzzah.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Scott Disick Beaver Shy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 21, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Scott Disick abhors the hair around his Kardashian baby mama’s snatch patch. He helped shave Kourtney’s bush because pubes remind him too much of what can happen to the prettiest smallest boy in the high school locker room.

Read all about Scott’s fear of pubes. (Huffington Post)

Elsa Hosk looks highly fuckable in some lacy lingerie. (Egotastic)

Miley Cyrus broke up with Patrick Schwarzenegger because he’s a big ‘ol man whore. (TMZ)

Nina Agdal’s ass is reason enough to stay on Instagram. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sarah Hyland in a short skirt makes me think bad thoughts. (Hollywood Tuna)

Blake Lively’s tits look amazing in a see-through red dress. (Popoholic)

Let’s celebrate the underboob! (The Chive)

Kourtney Kardashian Donkey Show

By Matt April 21, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

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On a recent episode of her family’s reality show, Kourtney Kardashian posed naked with a third generation succubus peaking its head out of her well travelled vagina. As ipecac on the nasty cake, Scott Disick shaved her bush while she lay in a bathtub and several statues in Rome begun to show signs of the stigmata. Nobody wants to see you naked. Least of all while pregnant. Don’t be fooled by the 100,000 views on YouPorn for your pregnant women gang bang videos, it’s a fetish outside two standard deviations even for porn. In an evolutionary sense its a turn off for men because our seed is not needed. Plus, you’re gross. Women seem to respond well to nude pregnancy shoots, but everyone knows their taste in porn is laughable. Do whatever you want, just don’t tell me it’s brave. Nor is it beautiful. I’m the one doing the jerking off so I’m the final word.

Photo Credit: WorldNews/Youtube 

Kourtney Kardashian Nude, Pregnant, Bloated

By Matt December 03, 2014 @ 8:16 AM

Kourtney-Kardashian-Nude-for-Dujour-02

Kourtney Kardahian posed nude while pregnant for a magazine nobody reads because her body is beautiful according to herself. Getting out there with your ass freshly drizzled in KY is a clear ploy for attention. Covering yourself in shit you got from Anthropologie and staring solemnly out of a non-existent window as your gut is distended leads only to praise from women who identify as pregnant. Kardashian posited a mostly nonsensical explanation for her motivation:

“I wanted to do something that felt authentic to me rather than being pushed in a certain direction by somebody else. The appeal was to be involved in something I would say I had more control over than other photo shoots. No one telling me this is how you’re going to look and how you’re going to pose. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to show my children these photographs one day and say, ‘This was you inside.’”

Yes, that’s why you did this. So you’re children could someday share in your topless nativity moment guys with pregnant fetishes are currently developing carpal tunnel syndrome over. Why not have a screening and show them their aunt’s film work so they can see how a lady does or does not make babies with ejaculate. If you’re going to fuck them up with your weird pointless self-interested shit, go hog wild. Just have some compassion and one day donate them to The Duggars so they can be saved in the next life.

Photo Credit: DuJour Magazine