If a movie about the White House being attacked by terrorists with only one bad-ass left behind to save everyone sounds good, you’re in luck, because there’s two of those exact movies coming out soon. ‘White House Down‘ has Channing Tatum blankly starring at things while rescuing President Jamie Foxx, while the more dramatically named ‘Olympus Has Fallen’ has Gerard Butler grumbling cliches while saving President Aaron Eckhart and then sorta President Morgan Freeeman.
So now the questions are; which movie will tell the same story in a more exciting way, and if “down” and “fallen” are the code for being attacked, what would they say if the White House were to literally fall down?
Russell Crowe holding a doll, Michael Shannon in a ‘Gears of War’ commercial, Zack Snyders super fast then super slow bullshit; it’s all here thanks to the release of the the first full trailer for ‘Man of Steel’, which follows the tone set by the Dark Knight trilogy and Megamind and shows us a Superman unsure of his place in the world. Granted it’s a very beautiful world, one with a constant gentle breeze to make your hair and cape look cool.
(watch it here or on Warner Bros. youtube page here)
‘Oblivion’ is set on earth 60 years after a cataclysmic attack, and if we had Wall-E technology it was destroyed because now Tom Cruise has to do that job. He and some girl are all that’s left, and she warns Tom Cruise not to take any chances. He immediately takes some dangerous chances, and some wolf thing tricks him and handcuffs him to a chair. Ahh, or was it Morgan Freeman, who I guess just sat in the dark waiting for Cruise to wake up so he could dramatically light his cigar?
NOTE: it was more than likely Freeman and all those people who weren’t supposed to be there.
There’s a longer trailer due next week, and a nine minute trailer in front of ‘the Hobbit’ in IMAX, but today we finally got a teaser for JJ Abrams ‘Star Trek: Into Darkness’. And since he can’t market anything without some secret Japanese thing, there is of course a secret Japanese thing. In this case a slightly longer trailer with new footage at the end, where Spock does his hand thing to a sickly looking person behind glass.
Is that Kirk? Is he dying? Is that what Sherlock is talking about? Maybe the twenty dollar bill in my hand right now will get Abrams to spill some secrets.
The re-make of ‘The Evil Dead’ (now just called ‘Evil Dead’ to reflect how much shorter our attention span is now compared to 1981) is produced by original director Sam Raimi and original star Bruce Campbell, and retains some of the same camera angles and the scene where a girl is raped by a presumptuous tree limb, but it’s all very polished and fancy looking now, making it feel common and predictable.
For example; it’s co-written by Diablo Cody, so of course there’s a cartoonishly perfect hipster guy and you can bet dollars to donuts there’ll be lots of cutesy dialogue like that.
Also, one of the producers is Japanese, and at the 0:32 second mark we see a girl with wet hair in front of her face. The Japanese are terrified of kids with wet hair. At least half of their horror movies are about kids with wet hair. Their version of Superman is just a guy with a towel.
The first trailer for ‘Iron Man 3’ was released this morning, but there’s no AC/DC or Black Sabbath to party too this time, because things are now looking bleak for Tony Stark for some reason. I however am thrilled, because this is written and directed by the amazingly great Shane Black, who replaces the sort of ok Jon Favreau and the absolutely awful Jennifer Anistons boyfriend.
But Stark is very grumpy, and not even a trip to the bedroom with Gwyneth Paltrow can take his mind off things because a robot attack. I don’t even know why the scientists make them. They’re everywhere, and when they grab you with those metal claws, you can’t break free, because they’re made of metal, and robots are strong. Sam Waterston tried to warn us but we didn’t listen!