Friday Afternoon Headlines

OPIE AND ANTHONY - are offering $25,000 to any girl who can prove they had sex with Manti Te'o. Because even though he told Katie Couric yesterday that he was "far from gay", being gay or a complete dumb fuck are the only possible explanations for the things he's done. And that sweater. (opies twitter) TINA TURNER - has apparently lived outside Zurich in Kuesnacht, Switzerland, since the mid 1990's, is now renouncing...read more

Opie and Anthony offer Kris Jenner 250K for Khloe proof

Despite the fact that we can look right at them, Kris Jenner still insists that her daughters Kim Kardashian (who looks like Princess Jasmine), Kourtney Kardashian (who looks like Princess Jasmine), and Khloe Kardashian (who looks like Bigfoot) all have the same father. It's actually kind of insulting. So today Opie and Anthony offered Kris $250,000 to prove it. All she has to do is arrange the DNA tests that prove...read more

Paris Hilton went on Opie and Anthony

Jim Jefferies has a bit about the 10 commandments where he says that instead of 10 all you really need is one; Try not to be a cunt. Just try. Do your best. It's good advice in life, and even better advice for going on a radio show. Well yesterday Paris Hilton did an interview with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, and she didn't do that. Instead she was a boring cunt. She was there to promote 'The World According to...read more

Louis C.K. asked Donald Rumsfeld if he's a lizard

Louis C.K. was on Opie and Anthony yesterday when former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld called in for an interview, presumably because of some kind of clerical oversight on the part of Rumsfelds staff. Things started off routinely enough, and then at around the 2:30 mark, Louis says... "There's still those people out there that think, you know, Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney are actually lizards, who, I mean...read more

at least Charlie Sheen can count on Jim Norton

If not for the out of control drug addiction, paranoia, violence and crime sprees, Charlie Sheen would be pretty cool. Or at least fun to hang out with. The trick is block out everything else and focus all your attention on the prostitutes and whores. Luckily that's what Jim Norton of the Opie and Anthony show is best at, as proven once again in todays New York Post... "As far as I'm concerned, if you make $2 million...read more

Tracy Morgan had a kidney transplant

(why would a 42 year old have organs randomly shutting down? maybe the story Jay Mohr told on Opie and Anthony about him and Tracy doing PCP is related in some way) Tracy Morgan has had diabetes since 1996 but, and this is gonna amaze you, but he says he didn't really take it seriously or take care of himself until 2006 when he got sick and almost had his foot amputated. But since then he's turned things around and...read more

Wesley Snipes is finally going to jail for tax evasion

It's been two years since Wesley Snipes was convicted of tax evasion, and he's managed to stay out of jail all this time, but today a judge denied his request for a new trial and ordered Snipes to surrender and begin his sentence. E! says... "The defendant Snipes had a fair trial," U.S. District Judge Terrell Hodges wrote in his 17-page ruling. "He has had a full, fair and thorough review of his conviction and...read more

Montana Fishburne was on Opie and Anthony

Montana Fishburne was on Opie and Anthony this morning, and I don't know how I expected her to sound but she seemed delightful. She sounded perky and adorable, especially while saying she's wanted to do porn since she was 16, wants to do more, and is even open for anal (see what I did there). Among the highlights: - When asked about her arrest for prostitution, she denied it, simple saying, "No, I've never been a...read more

tuesday morning headlines

MEL GIBSON - stars in the movie 'The Beaver', directed by Jodie Foster, which was supposed to be released in September. Now Foster and the studio don't know what to do with it. I asked Gibson what he told Foster as far as an apology, and this (NSFW language) is what he told her, but that's pretty much his answer to everything. (e online) TRANSFORMERS 3 - is currently filming in Chicago, and new set pics reveal that...read more

wednesday headlines

CARLOS MENCIA - steals jokes. This of course was a bigger story when Joe Rogan confronted him on stage 3 years ago (video and backstory here), but this morning Opie and Anthony played an audio clip where Carlos actually admits it. It's possible he was being sarcastic, but that would mean he actually wrote a joke by himself. Seems ridiculous when you think about it like that. ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO - is Brazilian but she...read more

dana white stands up for tito ortiz

UFC president Dana White was on Opie and Anthony yesterday, and of course one topic that came up was the domestic abuse charges between Tito "the Huntington Beach Bad Boy" Ortiz and Jenna "the Crazy Drug Addict" Jameson. If you don't know, White and Ortiz don't really like each other. At all. For example one time White apologized because advertising for an upcoming fight had Titos "big ugly gorilla face" on it. Dana...read more

ke$ha and her fug bikini need to go away

The first time I ever heard of Ke$ha was when she was running her mouth about Britney Spears lip synching (this). The second time was when Opie and Anthony took an unstable middle aged goblin with nothing resembling talent and had her sing 'Tik Tok' to prove that literally anyone on earth can be a pop star thanks to autotune (youtube). Now, she (Ke$ha, not the goblin) is on a beach in Australia, and she needs to shut...read more

read this palm you gypsy bitch

Some Romanian woman was accused of abusing children and when visited by the police, she slapped one of them. I don't speak Gypsy, but according to Patrice O'Neal, after that the cop inquired if she might perhaps read his fortune. Knowing what a rush she must have been in, he showed her his palm as quickly as possible. After that she looked sad, perhaps because she saw something scary in the future. (source = opie and...read more

friday afternoon headlines

TIGER WOODS - is donating $3M in medical care and supplies to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti, and he may give even more to a similar charity run by Wyclef Jean. In a related story, I got a new cashmere blanket and slept like a little angel last night. Actually I guess those two stories arent that related. (fox sports) WYCLEF JEAN - Remember that story about Tiger Woods donating money to Wyclefs Jeans...read more

did mtv go too far?

It's possible this fancy gentleman was offended by a young lady wearing a hat indoors, and in this clip he's saying, "Madam please remove your hat" in accordance with Jim Nortons Hat Removal Service, but more likely is WHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT! MTV is getting tons of very justified criticism for their new show "Jersey Shore", and not just from groups offended by what they consider Italian stereotypes, but because of the...read more