It’s been two years since Wesley Snipes was convicted of tax evasion, and he’s managed to stay out of jail all this time, but today a judge denied his request for a new trial and ordered Snipes to surrender and begin his sentence. E! says…
“The defendant Snipes had a fair trial,” U.S. District Judge Terrell Hodges wrote in his 17-page ruling. “He has had a full, fair and thorough review of his conviction and sentence by the Court of Appeal; and he has had a full, fair and thorough review of his present claims, during all of which he has remained at liberty.
“The time has come for the judgment to be enforced.”
Translation: the 48-year-old actor needs to report to the U.S. Bureau of Prisons ASAP to begin his 36-month sentence.
OK I have a paralyzing migraine today, so sry the page has been so slow, but I promise the video of Wesleys first 5 minutes in jail, from Opie and Anthonys animation festival with Patrice O’Neal, will make up for it.
Montana Fishburne was on Opie and Anthony this morning, and I don’t know how I expected her to sound but she seemed delightful. She sounded perky and adorable, especially while saying she’s wanted to do porn since she was 16, wants to do more, and is even open for anal (see what I did there). Among the highlights:
– When asked about her arrest for prostitution, she denied it, simple saying, “No, I’ve never been a prostitute.”
– She confirmed that the sex tape was shot specifically to be released as a movie, and though she refused to identify the guy in the movie, she implied that it’s her boyfriend.
– She explained that she used her real name because everyone would have known who she is anyway, so an alias was kind of pointless.
– She said she understands why her dad is embarrassed but hopes they can reconcile.
Yeah it turns out when parents say all they want is for their little girl to be happy, they mean it’s okay for her to go to college out of state, not to go into porn and drill some guy in the ass with a strap-on while people film it.
MEL GIBSON - stars in the movie ‘The Beaver’, directed by Jodie Foster, which was supposed to be released in September. Now Foster and the studio don’t know what to do with it. I asked Gibson what he told Foster as far as an apology, and this (NSFW language) is what he told her, but that’s pretty much his answer to everything. (e online)
TRANSFORMERS 3 - is currently filming in Chicago, and new set pics reveal that there are now NASCAR Transformers too. Not for marketing purposes, just because it makes a lot of sense to hide as the most conspicuous cars on earth. (jalopnik)
PREDATORS - is getting tremendous reviews and positive word of mouth, but some fans are annoyed because this iconic shot from the trailer is not actually in the movie. In the movie, Adrien Brody is only hit by one Predator laser. Why would fans complain about this? Because their lives are fantastic. (io9)
OPIE - of the Opie and Anthony show broke the story that New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner died today, according to his exclusive MLB sources. They were the first news outlet to report this, breaking the story on air around 8:30am, while CNN picked up the story almost 90 minutes later. After that they laughed at a dancing retarded girl, though CNN has yet to confirm that story. (twitter)
SOFIA VERGARA – had too many awesome bikini pictures yesterday to put in one post, so here are some more. Also continued from yesterday: my erection that’s hard enough to chop firewood. (splash news online)
CARLOS MENCIA - steals jokes. This of course was a bigger story when Joe Rogan confronted him on stage 3 years ago (video and backstory here), but this morning Opie and Anthony played an audio clip where Carlos actually admits it. It’s possible he was being sarcastic, but that would mean he actually wrote a joke by himself. Seems ridiculous when you think about it like that.
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – is Brazilian but she lives in Malibu and she posted a “Go USA” cheer with a bikini pic on twitter this morning after the US won their game in the World Cup. On a side note, if God had a girlfriend, this is what she would look like. (twitter)
ROBERT PATTINSON – is actually, honestly related to Dracula. Or at least Vlad the Impaler, who is widely considered to be the inspiration for Dracula. “Don’t you dare lump me in with those queers and fatties,” Vlad said when asked for a comment. (yahoo)
MICHAEL JACKSON – fans will be allowed to leave flowers near his grave site on the one year anniversary of his death. Which is bullshit. It should be closed. Wait, not closed. Enclosed. And then riddled with bullets. Good riddance weirdos. (abc)
HAYDEN PANETTIERE – went to LAX with her boyfriend, heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko. He’s from Kazakhstan, just like Borat, and those people don’t fuck around when it comes to putting women in their place. I see a dog crate, but I don’t see any dogs. I hope Hayden has some water and went to the bathroom.
UFC president Dana White was on Opie and Anthony yesterday, and of course one topic that came up was the domestic abuse charges between Tito “the Huntington Beach Bad Boy” Ortiz and Jenna “the Crazy Drug Addict” Jameson.
If you don’t know, White and Ortiz don’t really like each other. At all. For example one time White apologized because advertising for an upcoming fight had Titos “big ugly gorilla face” on it.
Dana doesn’t really give a fuck, I guess is my point, and he certainly doesn’t give a fuck about Tito Ortiz. And yet not even he believes the claims Jameson made.
So that takes care of that. Maybe now Dana can figure out what to do with Anderson Silva. Make him fight Shogun. I’ve spent at least 200 dollars to watch Anderson in what appears to be Bruce Lee movies, where his opponents flail away and punch the air while Anderson casually ducks to the side. If you just watched the first round of an Anderson Silva fight, you’d think he’d killed a guy once and vowed to never throw another punch no matter what. It’s either that, or the 100 percent opposite, where Anderson just taunts the other guy like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. He’s gone insane. Don’t be surprised if Anderson comes out one night in a big southern dress and holding a parasol, then hits his opponent in the face with a pie.
The first time I ever heard of Ke$ha was when she was running her mouth about Britney Spears lip synching (this). The second time was when Opie and Anthony took an unstable middle aged goblin with nothing resembling talent and had her sing ‘Tik Tok’ to prove that literally anyone on earth can be a pop star thanks to autotune (youtube).
Now, she (Ke$ha, not the goblin) is on a beach in Australia, and she needs to shut her mouth because she can’t sing, her body sucks and she’s fug as hell. Britney has sold over 85 million records and was the reason Megans Law went federal, so how does this nobody take shots at her. And as bad as Brit looks now, at least her ass isn’t square. I don’t mean to worry the good people of Australia, but I think Ke$ha might be a Transformer.