By Matt June 02, 2015 @ 8:12 AM
While he was a struggling actor, Mad Max and Bane portrayer Tom Hardy ran a Myspace page which he used for curating pussy and posted several photos of himself trying to look hot in his underwear while being dead serious. This was circa 2008 before Tinder and those services which scrub Google of your cock pics hit the scene. Hardy’s About Me section reads like a goth kid’s suicide note as he ends his life by shotguning beers at a bitchin’ kegger:
“the mind is like a parachute it will only work when it is opened. i am often afraid. So I have to share.I want to help, it’s not my business to judge, I make mistakes, I stand corrected, I accept casualties and walk with hope because I fucking LOVE. I could so easily be dead.I am a goldfish walking through a desert… I am a goldfish walking through a desert. “
Hardy’s montra ridden drivel most likely sealed the deal with a few random floozies on their first week of Bikram. Those young ladies are now married with children and we’re left with a relic of what 30 year old dudes resort to when they keep striking out at the club. Hold your head high. We all strive to attain the status to be publicly humiliated. Keep jerking off in the dark.
Photo Credit: Myspace
By Travis April 03, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Tom Hardy is currently in New York City filming Animal Rescue, which sounds like a terrible romantic comedy along the lines of This Means War, but don’t worry, fans of Bronson and The Dark Knight Rises. According to the plot summary, this film is right in Hardy’s badass wheelhouse:
A crime-drama centered around a lost pit bull, a wannabe scam artist, and a killing.
Simple enough. But just in case it wasn’t as easy as walking up to any woman in New York and saying, “Hi, I’m Tom Hardy, star of Inception and the new Mad Max”, before making her panties vanish, Hardy decided to take a break from filming to hang out with a little kid dressed as his Bane character from The Dark Knight Rises.
This also comes just a few weeks after he was walking around the set with a tiny pit bull puppy. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if we don’t stop him now, Hardy is going to get every girl in America pregnant by Friday.
(Photo Credits: Splash)
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By brendon July 16, 2012 @ 12:15 PM
With just 4 days until it’s release, Warner Brothers is finally giving critics who have seen ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ permission to publish their reviews, and according to the few that are online now, it seems Christopher Nolan is still really really good at making movies. Empire gives it 5 stars, saying:
?”With spectacle in abundance, this is superhero filmmaking on an unprecedented scale.”
The Hollywood Reporter says:
“Big-time Hollywood filmmaking at its most massively accomplished, this last installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy makes everything in the rival Marvel universe look thoroughly silly and childish.”
“…one of the year’s most impressive efforts so far in any genre, on any subject … Whoever Warner Bros hires to reboot the “Batman” films a few years from now, I wish you luck. The bar is as high as it could possibly be.”
And Rolling Stone says:
“…the sheer scope of Nolan’s vision – with emotion and spectacle thundering across the screen – is staggering.”
My ultimate hope is that it will be so good that Brett Ratner gets real depressed and kills himself. Cross your fingers, everyone!
By brendon April 11, 2012 @ 6:53 PM
The – internet – is – going apeshit today with the release of a new promo picture of Anne Hathaway and Anne Hathaways ass in her full Catwoman outfit from the ‘Dark Knight Rises’.
“Oh, please, don’t anyone mind me, I’m just the star of the god damn movie,” said Batman, who also had a new promo picture released. “You guys need to grow the hell up,” Bane added.
By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 2:58 PM
‘This Means War’ had it’s big fancy premiere last night in Hollywood, and not only did Reese Witherspoon stop and sign tons if autographs for the fans, but she more or less showed them her tits too. Because some actors are actually friendly. Lindsay Lohan came along after that and gave one of her fans a handjob, but that was more because she needed $20.
By brendon November 21, 2011 @ 3:31 PM
Empire has a new cover story on ‘The Dark Knight Rises’, and in addition to some new details about Bane, they interview director Christopher Nolan who revealed that, while ‘The Dark Knight’ began almost right where ‘Batman Begins’ left off, ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ skips ahead 8 years.
“It’s really all about finishing Batman and Bruce Wayne’s story. We left him in a very precarious place. Perhaps surprisingly for some people, our story picks up quite a bit later, eight years after The Dark Knight. So he’s an older Bruce Wayne; he’s not in a great state.”
So if you’re sitting there confused and wondering what happened to the last 8 years, now you know what Lindsay feels like during those rare moments when she isn’t drunk.
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