I can’t tell what anyone is saying because this is either from Canada or Minnesota, but morning news anchor Lisa Dutton was telling some story about something, based on her accent I assume it involved some combination of mooses and beer, but then just did the universal sign for blowjob for about 10 seconds.
So in hindsight hopefully the story was about beer.
ANGELINA JOLIE – might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life)
BEYONCE – lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her ‘Destinys Child’ bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and the enormity of the moment. Also because Beyonce sucks and needs everything filtered through a super computer that could make Stephen Hawking sound like Michael Crawford. (fox news)
‘THE CANYONS’ – has now been rejected by the Sundance Film Festival and SXSW, meaning that even the promise of Lindsay Lohan doing fully naked sex scenes can’t get them a release date. Maybe they should change their approach and say Lindsay isn’t naked after all, and you never see her saggy freckled tits even once, and replacing all her scenes with this Kate Upton gif. (hollywood reporter)
GREGORY MATTHEW BRUNI – was arrested in North Fort Myers, Florida, for taking his clothes off, breaking into a strangers home, masturbating, and taking a shit on the floor twice. Of course if the cops could explain how he’s supposed to masturbate and shit on the floor with his clothes on, I’d love to hear it. (huff post)
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY – is hot. I think. Or maybe not. Sometimes, like here, she looks great, but in real life it’s hard to tell. Especially since she got new drapes. What are those fucking things, lead? (marks and spencer lingerie photoshoot spring 2013)
An 3D animation and digital design school in Montreal released a statement yesterday saying that the awesome video of an eagle trying to eat a baby at a park was made by three of their students as part of a class project. Which sucks because I love that video, it was like having pterodactyls again. And that eagle deserved a lot of credit for going after a baby like that. Fortune favors the bold, my friends!
The really amazing thing about this video from a park in Montreal of an eagle trying to grab a kid to eat is that the kid was a student at that school in Connecticut, and his parents moved to Canada this weekend because they thought it was safer.
Actually I just made that up just now, so it might not be true, but I hope it is because HOLY SHIT that would be incredible!
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are selling 12 backpacks, made of crocodile skin and encrusted with prescription pills (fun fact: Mary Kate was dating Heath Ledger when he overdosed on prescription pills in 2008), as part of their clothing and accessory label named The Row, and they’re selling them for $55,000. Each. Which is at least ten times what I would pay for the actual Olsen Twins. For 55 grand, one of the pills better be a roofie with a map to Marissa Millers bedroom on it.