If you’re ever in battle with Kanye West, go forthwith to the anal play charges. Chink in armor noted, rapping Smaug. The master of ego-centric promotion and legend in his own time mythology folded like a very gay deck of cards in his battle with Wiz Khalifia and by extension Amber Rose the minute the latter mentioned Kanye’s proclivity for bottom play in the bedroom. Fingers up the butt was the opening salvo. Whatever was lined up next scared the shit out of Kanye who went into an emergency Camp David session with Wiz to reach a detente. The treaty included a first lady showcase where Kim Kardashian was dispatched to offer a concession basket to Amber Rose. Essential oils and some large amount of free social media traffic in exchange for mum on the list of sex toys that went north into the rectum. There are no gay men in the rap world. Trust, but verify.
Kanye went on Twitter and called Amber Rose a stripper whore and mocked Khalifa for making a baby with her. Kanye routinely calls out Amber Rose for being nasty, with zero nod to how he fucked that nasty for two years other than stating that he ‘had to take 30 showers’ after to get clean. If only somebody would’ve told Eazy-E the shower trick.
Amber Rose is the proverbial dog that’s been beat to much. She looks forward to it now. She took about half a second to inform the world that Kanye West digs assplay:
“Awww @kanyewest are u mad I’m not around to play in ur asshole anymore? #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch,”
There’s the haymaker you should’ve prepped for in practice. Stay down, Kanye. You’ll solve pi before you ever win a fight with a stripper. Have Kim announce how ridiculous this all is then explain why Kourtney can’t find her new pressed juice thermos. Rap battles just got good again.
Photo credit: FameFlynet/AKM-GSI
Wiz Khalifa sealed his fate when he picked a stupid rap name. There’s an art to making up names for yourself. Khalifa is not an artist. He made a baby with Amber Rose which is only going to get harder to rationalize as each year passes and she looks more like a Jersey City tow operator. Now cops at LAX arrested Khalifa for trying to go through TSA on a hoverboard. Yes, there’s a good chance TSA will steal your shit. No, you still can’t Marty McFly past security.
One of Khalifa’s posse whipped out his 1997 Sprint flip phone and captured the cops taking Khalifa to the ground for resisting arrest. Khalifa smartly posted the video to his Instagram account to keep his street cred:
3 cops yell stop resisting. Only thing to do is let em know. I’m not resisting, I’m doin what I want.
Yeah, dumb ass. You’re doing what you want. They’re bored and frustrated and have pains in their prostate and they’re doing what they want too. If this wasn’t the crowded airport people would be hashtagging #BlackLivesMatter after your name and talking about rioting after your funeral. Don’t make Amber Rose a widow because neither of you remember exactly where you last left the baby.
This story is a primer for why women are smarter and savvier than men, but dudes still run the universe and the oil and natural gas industries. After months of nasty social media blows against her baby daddy Wiz Khalifa for fucking everything that moved while they were together, Amber Rose posted a picture of the two of them kissing like porn stars with a long form teen girl please take me back love letter attached.
My #ManCrushEveryday you know what it is…. We went wrong somewhere and even if we never ever get back together ( Even tho I pray, dream and hope we do) he will forever be the love of my life. The media doesn’t make it easy but fuck them we gotta live for reality and not society. We forever have a bond because we made a beautiful baby from our Love. Through all the ups and downs of our relationship my heart still beats for him every single day. I’m sick of putting on a front like I’m happy without him. I’m not. He makes me happy. He’s the only one who can. Regardless of how our lives Turn out in the long run he will always be the skinny tatted up stoner that has my heart ❤️
Skinny tatted up stoners are hard to come by. Breaking soft and explaining that all your nasty words and all those naked photos of yourself posed like a Turkish whore was all just a cry for help, that’s sad. Deep down, most women can’t shake those compulsive feelings to bang bad men brought on by their first middle school menstrual cycle. It’s a rare woman who can go stone cold assassin. She shall be our next President. If history is any indication, Amber Rose will get knocked up and fucked over by Khalifa at least twice more before her book about waking up to being a strong woman comes out. You could read it, but you already know what is says.
Photo Credit: Instagram
The people at Addiction-Treatment.com commissioned a groundbreaking study where they analyze which celebrities’ Instagram photos show drugs or booze most often. The rehab racket is a growing industry and lucrative enough to afford them the time to do this kind of shit. Snoop Dogg posts the most photos of any celebrity on Instagram coming in at 9,500 through September of last year. That’s more than Kim Kardashian Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus combined, and is definitely powerful reminder to avoid weed, lest you want to become a forty year old man giggling at memes all day. Snoop Dogg’s account did not have the highest percentage of drugs present in his photos, coming in at 7.4 percent. That honor belongs to Devin the Dude, who was drinking or drugging in 23.5 percent of his photos. Naming yourself Devin the Dude is another reason not to do drugs.
You can’t control Instagram. Zuckerberg does. He loves joints and hates tits. Keep your kids off Instagram or be prepared for the day they bring home their gay pot connect and announce they’re in love.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Our occasionally prescient editor Lex once noted that the Howe Twins came to the U.S. looking to fuck their way to fame. Bingo. Wiz Khalifa shot a mature audiences video with Carla Howe and according to TMZ, Howe was shopping the results of the on-camera banging to Vivid for six-figures. Howe denied she was the one tried to hawk the spooge fest via Twitter, which is America’s official courtroom for really dumb people. It seems Wiz has no interest in the paying public seeing him bang some desperate white chick with fake tits because he can just look in the mirror next to his bed each night and see for himself. To be fair, after you in theory fuck a dude named Amber you have a few in the chamber. I say, go for it and sell that fucker. Nobody else gives a shit. You don’t stay young and lucky forever.
Photo Credit: Twitter