Amber Rose Caves

By Lex April 03, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

Amber Rose Wants Wiz Khalifa Back
This story is a primer for why women are smarter and savvier than men, but dudes still run the universe and the oil and natural gas industries. After months of nasty social media blows against her baby daddy Wiz Khalifa for fucking everything that moved while they were together, Amber Rose posted a picture of the two of them kissing like porn stars with a long form teen girl please take me back love letter attached.

My #ManCrushEveryday you know what it is…. We went wrong somewhere and even if we never ever get back together ( Even tho I pray, dream and hope we do) he will forever be the love of my life. The media doesn’t make it easy but fuck them we gotta live for reality and not society. We forever have a bond because we made a beautiful baby from our Love. Through all the ups and downs of our relationship my heart still beats for him every single day. I’m sick of putting on a front like I’m happy without him. I’m not. He makes me happy. He’s the only one who can. Regardless of how our lives Turn out in the long run he will always be the skinny tatted up stoner that has my heart ❤️

Skinny tatted up stoners are hard to come by. Breaking soft and explaining that all your nasty words and all those naked photos of yourself posed like a Turkish whore was all just a cry for help, that’s sad. Deep down, most women can’t shake those compulsive feelings to bang bad men brought on by their first middle school menstrual cycle. It’s a rare woman who can go stone cold assassin. She shall be our next President. If history is any indication, Amber Rose will get knocked up and fucked over by Khalifa at least twice more before her book about waking up to being a strong woman comes out.  You could read it, but you already know what is says.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Rappers Still Like To Smoke

By Matt January 14, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

SD

The people at Addiction-Treatment.com commissioned a groundbreaking study where they analyze which celebrities’ Instagram photos show drugs or booze most often. The rehab racket is a growing industry and lucrative enough to afford them the time to do this kind of shit. Snoop Dogg posts the most photos of any celebrity on Instagram coming in at 9,500 through September of last year. That’s more than Kim Kardashian Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus combined, and is definitely powerful reminder to avoid weed, lest you want to become a forty year old man giggling at memes all day. Snoop Dogg’s account did not have the highest percentage of drugs present in his photos, coming in at 7.4 percent. That honor belongs to Devin the Dude, who was drinking or drugging in 23.5 percent of his photos. Naming yourself Devin the Dude is another reason not to do drugs.

You can’t control Instagram. Zuckerberg does. He loves joints and hates tits. Keep your kids off Instagram or be prepared for the day they bring home their gay pot connect and announce they’re in love.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Wiz Khalifa Made a Sex Tape With This Innocent Lamb

By Matt December 16, 2014 @ 8:18 AM

Whiz

Our occasionally prescient editor Lex once noted that the Howe Twins came to the U.S. looking to fuck their way to fame. Bingo. Wiz Khalifa shot a mature audiences video with Carla Howe and according to TMZ, Howe was shopping the results of the on-camera banging to Vivid for six-figures. Howe denied she was the one tried to hawk the spooge fest via Twitter, which is America’s official courtroom for really dumb people. It seems Wiz has no interest in the paying public seeing him bang some desperate white chick with fake tits because he can just look in the mirror next to his bed each night and see for himself. To be fair, after you in theory fuck a dude named Amber you have a few in the chamber. I say, go for it and sell that fucker. Nobody else gives a shit. You don’t stay young and lucky forever.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Jas and Ness Rose Are Seeking Opportunity

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 11:57 AM

Jas and Ness Rose Share Instagram And Amber Roses Name
I get the instinct to fuck your way famous in Hollywood. If you’re reasonably attractive and can squeal in the sack, it’s a short cut through all the other forms of pseudo prostitution the ugly people must endure. Jas and Ness Rose, the street fashion designing twins who jointly sister banged Wiz Khalifa out of his marriage to Amber Rose are working their Instagram account for maximum vagina recognition. Social media commenters who carry the righteousness of Moses and the spelling of a developmentally delayed preschooler felt the need to put these sisters in context:

Nasty insesting sister …fucking disgusting..an the manz married , yall sum bottom of the barrel bitches

That’s actually more profound than the syntax might let on. Though I’m not sure fucking the same guy is technically incest, it’s just Happy Fun Special #11 on the Jass and Ness menu.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Wiz Khalifa Went Out With a Bang

By Matt October 01, 2014 @ 6:15 AM

Wiz

Amber Rose reportedly walked in on Wiz Khalifa banging twin sisters in their house, which was against their marital vows or something. This is according to DJ Peter Rosenberg, who claims Rose is a friend of his and also acknowledges being a bitchy little gossip queen. Rosenberg says Khalifa’s people spun the story a different way to make him seem less at fault. Those reps should have factored in the street points involved with bedding nubile young ebony twins. Rosenberg explained how it went down, most likely while nursing a four inch woody:

“Amber walked in on him with two women at the same time. Twins, twin sisters, twin biological sisters.”

Twin biological sisters is pretty freaking well played. Step sisters or soul sisters would’ve been like learning Santa didn’t really come down your chimney to leave you that firetruck. These chicks once shared an egg. Now they’re sharing your cock. That’s primal and crudely triumphant. Marriage is a sacred union, but sometimes you have to weigh your options. Especially when you are a straight guy married to a dude named Amber.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Divorces Wiz Khalifa

By Lex September 24, 2014 @ 12:01 PM

Amber Rose Files For Divorce From Wiz Khalifa

Ah, damn, if these two wonderful kids couldn’t make it past a year and one illegitimate child. For Amber Rose, being a multi-rapper plundered woman with a baby and the face of a Dutch boy painting, she’ll come up, fuck, roses. But Whiz Khalifa, I expect this to hit him the hardest. Not quite so bad as losing your reefer connect or a member of your traveling squad posse or your merch manager or public relations lead or or mixmaster or even that bitch in Indiana who can tea bag your entire genital package, still, this is your wife and baby mama. That pain’s going to linger for minutes on end.

You can see the divorce documents on TMZ. Yes, TMZ has a team of aggressive midgets that live in small lean-to’s outside the courthouses waiting for these kinds of filings. I’m sorry, aggressive little-people, like in Beijing.

Photo Credit: Instagram