I’m not entirely sure how someone could lay out poolside at a hotel in Los Angeles and yet the only pictures of it are in newspapers from London, but that’s what Kelly Brook and her boyfriend whose name I’m not going to learn did yesterday. I also don’t know what he’s doing here, but it’s exactly what I would be doing 35 hours a day. “Oh no I slipped again. Clumsy me! Luckily your huge breasts were there to cushion me.” I wouldn’t go ten steps without falling into her big awesome tits. If you saw us on a date you’d think I just landed here from some other planet with half the gravity.