Amanda Bynes’ Bong Case Gets Tossed

Huzzah! Amanda Bynes won’t be going to jail for smoking weed and tossing her bong out of her 36th floor window when the cops came to investigate. Had she launched a non-recyclable styrofoam cup out the window, she would have been taken into custody by the United Nations Justice League for Global Warming and threatened with something French. But weed won’t kill pigeons, just make them peck more incessantly at discoloration marks in the sidewalk. Amanda agreed to see a counselor twice a week in lieu of being sentenced by celebrity court to go see a counselor twice a week. It’s not really clear what kind of counselor Bynes will be seeing, but if he’s anything like my high school counselor, he’ll have some sweet dope ready for her to puff not long after ‘let’s talk about what you want to do with your life…’.

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