Kim Kardashian Wraps Herself in Fat-Protective Carbon Mesh

January 28, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

In addition to reining in the copious amounts of body fat that you can’t photoshop out in real life, Kim Kardashian’s new carbon mesh containment system (CMCS) protects her from shark attack and skin-to-skin gonorrhea. It also renders her radar signature to be half her native size, so 2’6″ and 75 pounds when nobody in the family is cycling. Kim whipped out her superhero costume for a big meeting in Beverly Hills where smart people would use the word ‘strumpet’ so that Kim wouldn’t realize they were talking about her as she dumbly nodded and held her breath. Even carbon mesh has its tensile limits.

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