Amber Heard Still Seems Kind of Lesbian

May 28, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

Before the ‘I do’s’ is the best time you ask your soon to be wife, do you still dig short slicked back hair, wearing men’s tuxedos, and lapping up vagina pudding in parfait glasses? Maybe a guy like Johnny Depp has the cock confidence not to give a crap if his wife screams louder for European supermodels, but he better start paying attention to her hot girl typecast complaints:

As a woman, I usually have two options: Sex Object or the Best Friend Who Isn’t Sexy. It’s not creatively fulfilling to just be sexy.

I said to the director [of Zombieland], ‘Do I get to play a true zombie or am I a cleavage zombie?’ I had this fear that he was going to want me to be a zombie in my underwear!

Outside of being a kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirl, being hot looking in Hollywood has to be greatest living hell for a woman. At some point in the not too distant future, Johnny Depp will be calling Chris Martin to ask him how he handled his wife bitching about people hating her for being too perfect. Chris will suggest Johnny let her bang liberal billionaires. Then Johnny will say, do you know any liberal billionaire lesbians? And the two will have a laugh. Chris Martin will go on to write a song about it and Johnny Depp will divorce Amber Heard and start dating a young actress from Italy with a slight unibrow and big tits. This all goes down in early 2016 if you’re marking your calendars.

Photo Credit: W Magazine

Tags: amber heard