Justin Bieber Cupping

When I heard Interview magazine was releasing photos of Justin Bieber cupping, I feared pictures of a hairless Gimli holding some unsigned rapper’s junk in his little baby hands was coming next. This might actually be worse. Bieber joined in the line of voodoo health nuts like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow and other celebrities without penises who treat their bodies with ancient Eastern suction cup therapy. I hope whoever sold Bieber on this didn’t make him believe this would get the gay out. Good luck getting a refund out of the Mexican dude pretending to be Chinese. Next time, I recommend more intense sucking power. Try using a vacuum sealer or Andy Dick. You’ll know it’s working when you can see your spleen on the outside of your body. That’s not the time to quit. Crank up the suction until the Lollipop Guild welcomes you to heaven. This stuff really works.

Photo Credit: Interview Magazine