The French Nab Kardashian Robbery Fiends

Leave it to the French to get the important shit right. Non-enforceable climate change accords, not allowing girls to be prostitutes until sixteen, and amassing never before seen levels of law enforcement resources to clear their good name in the Kim Kardashian jewelry heist case. Score one for Clouseau.

The French rounded up seventeen robbery suspects in the South of France related to the hotel room invasion of Kim Kardashian during Fashion Week last September. The bold larceny after Kardashian flashed her multi-million dollar diamond ring on Snapchat was egg on the face of French police still reeling from seventy years of sucking since the Nazis left them without leadership. Also, silly hats.

According to police, three women from the criminal ring cased Kim around Paris blending in as annoying French chicks with the smell of hospital disinfectant and despair. Meanwhile, an immensely large number of guys including a couple diamond fencers plotted to rob Kardashian and escape on bicycles. Further blending points for not being able to afford the French VAT tax on automobiles. 

The crime of Kim’s century forced Kardashian to withdraw from the public eye for several months, mostly noted by the absence of her big tit pictures from social media. This is what they mean when they say a crime against one is a crime against all. Who wants to live in a world where rich midget porn stars who brag about the size of their rocks are mugged? Kim Kardashian vs. shoddy French criminals in Adidas soccer jersey tops is another one of those Who’d You Rather Drown in a Shallow Puddle debates that can never be resolved. 

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}