The trouble with being an outspoken moralist on any issue is that time you want to take a break, maybe have that drink, or smoke that weed, or rake in fifteen million for headlining a live action remake of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.
Emma Watson is the UN Ambassador for Only People With Vaginas which means a large number of elegant addresses to gathered bodies and talks about recycling haute couture into kente cloth modesty thongs. Taking on the role of a Disney Princess like Belle is fraught with feminist concerns. In a massive partially naked spread for Vanity Fair, Emma Watson explains how she ran her character through a Jiffy Lube 27-point inspection for female empowerment.
‘Belle is ‘absolutely a Disney princess, but she’s not a passive character — she’s in charge of her own destiny.’
To wit, Emma insisted the character be changed from a dreamy bookish girl into her inventor father’s assistant. She builds a French colonial era washing machine thus that she can read while the clothes are being done. Super progressive. She switched out riding boots for ballet shoes so she could walk through the village muck like the boys. No word yet as to whether she fucks the beast from the dominant position, but assume that primal bastard learned to waltz and make her cum first.
Watson screened the final cut of he movie for Gloria Steinem as you really must. To ensure it was true to women. You almost feel bad for Steinem in this situation. Seriously bitch, you’re making me watch this crap? I would’ve blown Old Man Disney back in the day for this gig.
The stories circulating this past week at the Oscars again were about how Emma Watson was ultimately tossed from the La La Land role for being too difficult. Hard to say, she sounds like a peach.
I couldn’t care less if I won an Oscar or not if the movie didn’t say something that I felt was important for people to hear.
Thanks, more fuckable British Betty Friedan.
Photo Credit: Tim Walker for Vanity Fair