Being a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model used to mean something. Most importantly, if you weren’t an Australian billionaire, you weren’t going to fuck one. Now, that chatty tequila shot ambassador you hooked up with at Yankee Doodle was SI 2012-14. She’s got seventeen hours of stories on what St. Bart’s is like in December. She was on the island for sixteen.
Sports Illustrated is running chicks without nipples in bikinis 365 days a year. Their last real sports article involved a biathlete from the Lillehammer games. As they’ve opened up bikini modeling to categories including plus sized, the elderly, and furries with diverticulitis, literally anybody can be an SI bikini model. It’s surprising Carly Fiorina didn’t open with her four-color tankini spread during the primary debates.
The Daily Mail has over one hundred, twenty-three year olds on staff identifying clickbait and they barely scooped up Natalia Borges. “Attractive random chick from Brazil” used to be enough of a title. You’re making Elle Macpherson’s original face roll over in its grave.
Photo Credit: Fame Flynet