Nickelodeon isn’t done with Amanda Bynes . The network that exploited an 11-year-old then ran for cover when their unstable creation detonated in 2012 wants to brainstorm a new show with Bynes. The now 31-year-old’s daily cocktail of mood stabilizers and big game tranquilizers has allowed her to lead as normal a life as possible. She’s slow walking a degree at Orange County’s Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising. The school has a 71% acceptance rate. She’s majoring in Felt. The world doesn’t need more clothing designers, but it does need less people being run down by BMW’s, so however that comes about.
Networks like Nickelodeon and Disney manage their tween money makers like porn stars and throw them into the elements. Picture the goat from Jurassic Park. Except lip-synching Hey Mickey while wearing hot pants at a mall store opening. Some take to the life. Ariana Grande was born to be a stripper. Bynes wasn’t. She was the quirky star of All That and The Amanda Show. On the latter she was 13-years-old and wore cleavage-baring tops. Network execs jizzed themselves. So did dads eyeing their kids’ favorite show. Child labor isn’t illegal. Neither is sex slavery when you own a media conglomerate. You can catch both on basic cable.
The network wants to rope Bynes back in. Damaging Bynes further will be a challenge. They’ll have to bring out the giant meat grinder and murder her on TV. Hilarious slime drop first. If she was a dog, there’d be outrage.
Photo credit: Splash News. Maxim